Trying too hard - Topic of the day 1/17/25
What do people mean if they say you’re trying too hard? Do you think you try too hard? Is it ever a negative thing?
167 Replies
sprezz tuah!
It means they're uncomfortable and you can probably ignore them
i try too hard because it's fun
Fashion is about experimentation. You're going to have bricks, you're going to wear stuff that doesn't feel like "you". You'll wear outfits that are affected or too much and that's okay!
depends- if you're being you're true and authentic self and people say it's trying too hard, then that's them trying to come to grips with your own personality
in which case fuck them
People (idiot men) on the internet mix up “trying at all” with “being a tryhard”. Sorry that I wanna look cool, Steve—why don’t you go put on your bazinga tee and whine about it while ya pound dirt, nerd
if not - whether because you're trying to force an aesthetic or vibe that is diametrically opposed to who you are then maybe it's worth reflecting upon
If someone not into fashion says you're trying too hard it usually means you look good and they don't know how to do that
Elon musk wearing a leather jacket and telling the audience to go fuck themselves is trying too hard. You are not trying too hard by rolling up your pant cuffs or giving a tie a shot
i think it's largely contextual but i think the only person you have to consider about "trying too hard" is yourself
i like being extra 🙂 it helps make the day go by and i just like it, sue me
With the gift of hindsight i can see a few fits where i was trying too hard in my early days of fashion experimentation, but if i hadnt done it i wouldnt have learned where my personal line is
i do think you can look 'uncool' if you give off an aura of trying too hard but life is short and i personally love seeing people who are really into their thing (even if it's not my thing) so it's worth the embarrassment imo. sincerity is fun to be around
I never brick
(Because I run a lot of bricks at home to try to put together stuff that works)
If that’s trying too hard sue me
Yeah, I think genuine cases "trying too hard" are usually rooted in inauthenticity
the more often you do it though the less often you get the "try hard" comments - i think @The Teenage Gentleman lol and charlie are the alpha and omega of this but there are plenty of others who i look up to in this regard
pithy comments aside, I think this is a real thing that happens, especially to folks just starting out. You're exploring a lot of new styles, changing up a lot of things and probably making some waves with people you know.
That can be hard! I hate making waves! I often hate being the main character IRL. Don't look at me or I'll shrivel and die.
Maybe trying too hard is where it crosses the line in to insincere
Not to derek guy post but jordan peterson and his heaven hell suit is trying too hard
imo "trying too hard" is just another way of saying that you're uncommitted and look unconfident your outfit, it inevitably happens as you're in the awkward experimentation period but i bleieve that it fades with experience and a critical eye
Yeah: it all comes down to one thing
Trying out new stuff easily comes across as inauthentic and insincere and I don't think it's reasonable to say that's a universally bad thing
I don’t think trying too hard is a thing because who wouldnt want to try hard. However, when people say someone “looks like they’re trying too hard” it usually means someone is poorly styled to a point that a lot of the styling choices are noticed and noted as being not pleasing. For example, using accessories that don’t work like pocket squares and monocles in a business casual setting, or wearing a lot of clashing patterns in suiting. In itself, they may not look good, but if styled correctly, people wouldn’t be saying this person is trying too hard.
yeah i regularly moderate what i wear if i'm going to meet with someone who might be suprised by it. sometimes it's not worth grimacing through the bemused compliments LMAO
hey guys am i trying to hard with this fashion thing
No
Try harder
ya what char said tbh
agree with that, its mostly a skill issue
or people just don't like you which happens
thats ok though
I really wanna see a monocle in someone’s fit now
to be srs for a moment. I think this can stray too far into the 2025 version of
I was wildly inauthentic when I started on my fashion journey. It takes time and effort and bricks and experiencing wearing those outfits imo in order to find what you like and what works for you
i think there's a difference in intent between "i'm trying something new as a form of personal exploration and am uncomfortable" and "i'm trying something new to appease or adhere to someone else's standards and am uncomfortable"
you just have to brick and you have to ask for feedback
Great point, I agree!
I mean for me swag is basically just confidence
if your only feedback is yourself im sorry
its doomed
I agree it's about discomfort with your projected image
But I see your point
I do like to see overdressers though keeps things interesting
I associate 'looking like you're trying too hard' with very obvious/intentional matching of colours (e.g. wearing bright red shoes and a bright red jacket). It can come across like you're 'forcing' an outfit, particularly if you're ignoring other aspects of what might make things harmonious (e.g. similar aesthetics, textures, culture)
got it :linkBow:
The times I see people trying too hard is at fashion weeks. Usually it is people who do not care about dressing as much as we do normally but now want to peacock and usually come with an attitude that they have adopted where they think they can be judgemental about others out of insecurity.
I can’t pull that off lmao
I still remember the first time I wore my orange corduroy suit out and about. People were absolutely staring, I got a few comments and i was feeling very self conscious. Now I just put it on and if ppl still stare I don't notice.
Also no comments anymore
if people stare at me I love it lol whenever I wear my cape outside people stare and make (positive) comments and it gives me life
I don’t think anyone can tbh
Lol
another phrase I hate is "the clothes are wearing you"
But at fashion weeks you can also see the people comfortable dressing in all designer and styled well, even more extravagantly than the people that look like they’re “trying too hard just for fashion week”
Idk like willem dafoe maybe lol
Mood
Oh god sorry Stevie LOL
that's true. thats how you can immediately identify the ones who are really about it and those who desire to be perceived as being about it
I tried to pick the most average white guy name
wowwwwwwwww
I’m digging myself a hole here
:xd:
if ur not gonna try hard at fashion week when are you gonna tho?
Isn’t peacocking the whole point of clothes
pitti uomo is currently ongoing and the distinction between the two is apparent imo
run around to meeting and working?
I peacock every time I leave the house is there a problem
the secret is that im always trying hard
they're just jealous you look better than them 💅
no but in all seriousness, you can see the difference and like i said it usually just comes with an attitude thats the underlying problem
you can sense the insecurity
Some people dress to stand out and some to blend in. For example, AF1s are to blend in.
corpo af1s my favorite
I simply do not subscribe to the idea that confidence with the exact same clothes takes an outfit from brick to legit
wearing mine to comedy show tonight
If that were true Donald Trump would be the best dressed man on the planet
gonna be reppin
There’s confidence in your styling
Jewelry is something that I've had to work on not viewing as someone "trying too hard". Feel like it entirely comes from toxic masculinity coloring the perception of men wearing jewelry, which just kinda shittily oozed it's way into my brain.
this is gonna sound pretentious as all hell but trying less hard is more difficult for me
no no no i get what u mean
my style is fundamentally built on me trying really hard
or, alternatively, some of the things viewed as "tryhard" became a lot easier (wearing a tie or jewelry in particular)
Sure, I just feel like this convo gets reduced to something along the lines of "the clothes don't matter! Just have swag and be confident!" which is obviously false
no it also has to do with knowledge. people who try too hard are usually people who lack the knowledge to get the details right
and they know this and thats where the insecurity comes from
they know their persona is a house of cards
or don't have a fully set intention on what they want to look like
But I mean there is an intangible aspect to it right like otherwise all those color season and kibbe types trying to phrenol- I mean, science clothes would work
which isn't to say you need to have a full outline of your inspiration and stuff if wearing an ocbd and jeans but just having the idea helps
I think your making the argument too symmetrical. I think a good outfit can be ruined by lack of confidence, but loads of confidence alone won't make a fit good.
unconfidence in outfits i think often comes from trying for a look but not getting why that look actually works, so you end up creating this awkward outfit tha's only superficially the look you're going for
And also, it’s ok to be learning and brick a bunch even from your unconfidence
yes!! its how i got better at fashion
there were (and still are) many bricked outfits in my day to day life
I think my point is just that it's a fairly complex social issue. What's the context for the outfit? Fashion week vs interview makes a difference in the perception. Where you are in your fashion journey makes a difference. If you're newer and trying stuff out you want to be a try-hard imo. You need to put the clothes on. You need to brick fits. To some degree I think if you're in the hobby that should always be true.
I could certainly be projecting too much meaning on it, but "trying too hard" isn't the same negative thing in all contexts. Newbies are often desperately trying to avoid trying too hard and I think that's wrong. But also just saying "oh it's all about confidence" isn't a helpful answer to get over that hump.
I’ve revisited outfits that were bricks earlier that are not bricks now with some minor changes!
i think there is a difference between trying hard and trying too hard. I think trying hard is generally a good thing, but sometimes too much of a good thing blocks progress in the long run. For example someone trying too hard might be way too caught up in getting specific details of their fit right to reflect how they really feel about a fit.
In my experience fashion is a journey, which means it takes time and sometimes you need to sit with something for a bit before personal progress sets in.
Its a bit like overthinking
No I think that's a great point and helped me connect what smiles said earlier about men often confusing trying at all with being a try-hard.
The nonchalance of it has always been a thing in menswear in various degrees of toxicity.
i love this you guys are so mean
can you? really??
sense my ass
go to soho house during pfw
you can tell
on it
go to the mirror and look at yourself
idk why that would upset you lol
but its just my experience, I think you can sense it. I've tried to explain it but my explanation falls short so the only thing left to say is that if you go to those places you can experience it for yourself
I think this is confirmation bias lol you are only noticing the people who obviously aren’t used to wearing what they’re wearing
I am insecure
You cannot tell
i just don’t like your holier than thou attitude honestly
sorry
girl omg lmao
literally me too
nobody can tell unless u rly look at my body language
my first like 3 yrs i spent on online fashion spaces was me being maximalist and trying too hard and it got me really far
i don't think it's like that anymore but i would've definitely identified with what seldom said in that my style was defined by trying too hard
Some of this seems to be getting into the subjectivity / objectivity of what looks good. I think people are using the term “confidence” in two ways.
If you think what looks good is more subjective, then confidence is being used more a pointer for swag or self-confidence and that seems like a necessary ingredient for authenticity.
But if you think fashion/art/beauty has objective standards then it seems like confidence is used more in terms of epistemology: I.e are you right, and how do you know?
I think there’s probably a healthy balance between the two
Sorry if this is a very armchair philosophy analysis, that’s just how my brain works
It's about context
Trying too hard is a commentary on appropriateness/context
Execution of a look is sort of a sub-issue
T2H i think is more commonly used to say that an outfit or look is just out of sync with the context or event
Like a perceived formality clash with your surroundings, for example
still (and you're probably not arguing against this) there r contexts in which that's totally fine—i wore some CRAZY shit to class in high school and don't regret it at all
When I think of trying too hard, the first thing I think of were the guys in college that went way too all in on wearing Vineyard Vines bow ties and the like in a weird attempt to make preppy frat culture their entire identity.
Especially if they overdressed in weird settings
For sure, it's just one of many commentaries and I do agree it's an overtly negative way to point out that there's a desync goin on
If someone's in the back of the class shouting slay bitch thats a much more positive way to say the same thing
wait that's actually so real
it's essentially the same thing
Like you're just communicating "you didn't have to go so hard, and I [Love/Hate] it for [You/Me]"
Yeah I think there is such a thing as "trying too hard", but I'd define it more along the lines of trying too hard to fit in with a group or an aesthetic that isn't really you.
When it comes to experimenting and having fun with fashion, there is no such thing as "trying too hard"
For sure, trying too hard to “fit in” is actually what I had typed out in an earlier version of my comment.
The other real type of trying too hard would be trying too hard to show off. That can be with flashy wealth signaling items or by spending too much time trying to look perfect to go to the grocery store.
yall cannot tell me you can look at a mfer on the street and say "yeah that's a real lumberjack"
there is nothing wrong with looking perfect to go to the grocery store lmao
this man is a postal worker
Haha, I actually agree. It is hard to get the point across I want.
I think we can all sense the difference when someone is caring about how others perceive them vs dressing well because they like to
smh should've worked at FedEx
That is a great hat and outfit all around
Only coal miners can wear jeans, the rest are just posers
How do you distinguish between someone “trying too hard” to fit into an aesthetic that isn’t really them vs experimenting with a different aesthetic
And how do you determine what aesthetic is “them”
I think it comes in two forms. One is wildly overdressing for the occasion. Which I think is where the swag comes in because that can still be fine. Being the "suit guy" when no one else is can work fine as long as you own it, it's when you don't it gets awkward. The other is more what we are discussing and it's "overdoing" an aesthetic. To me, it's basically where it crosses the line from fashion/style into "costume" but that's still very subjective and depends on the person.
I think the boundary between experimentation and "trying too hard" is always going to be blurry. Most people here seem to advocate for gradual experimenting as opposed to advising people to suddenly get a Mohawk and dress like he's in a punk band when they normally just wear chinos and ocbds. Also important to keep in mind almost all of us will have an episode of "trying too hard" somewhere in our life (fashion related or otherwise) and that isn't a tragedy. We overdo it, shrug, learn and adjust.
we being the members of a fashion discord or "we" bring society?
to some extent i think caring about how you're perceived or rather the validation from being perceived accurately is reasonable, whether its for basic biological purposes (someone identifying as male intending to present as masc) or basic social survival (a Black person not wanting to being seen as "threatening").
i agree that putting stock in others' perceptions in lieu of authentic expression is not great because it's hard to sustain and self-limiting, but there's valid reasons to put in effort in service of others' views
Yeah there's definitley a lot of shades of grey here. Fashion is very much about communication - your choice to dress a certain way is inherently going to affect the impression you make on other people.
When I would describe someone as "trying too hard", to me that looks like trying to communicate something very superficial and material about themselves without expressing a facet of their personality or identity. Like, you could dress in head-to-toe Gucci in a way that communicates creativity and playfulness, or in a way that merely communicates financial status. To me, the latter is trying too hard.
Though I suppose there's a fair argument to be made that the former is also trying to communicate status, particularly to those with knowledge around designer brands.
idk i think the 2nd is just a bad fit
how do we even define "trying" or "effort"???
a fit that seems like a lot may not have taken a lot of effort to put together
and there fore woudlnt' be "trying too hard"
Both but was referring to this discord. I was clarifying since it is hard to convey on here. When someone's only look in all settings feels very buttoned up with perfectly coiffed hair, it starts to come off as a compulsive need to put up a front. I would say the formality doesn't match the setting, but they aren't even dressed inappropriately for most of the settings.
It’s a gut feel more than anything
Because I also know people that dress more polished where it never feels forced.
I think this kinda shows just how uselessly nebulous the idea of "trying too hard" is. If you like how some people who consistently put effort into their appearance dress, but not others, it's not that the ones you don't like are trying too hard. You just don't vibe with their fits
Ok so if I saw those guys up top I'd think they all look cool.
Idk, I guess I feel like trying too hard is overwhelmingly just used as a synonym for douchebag. Someone brought up vineyard vines bowties earlier, and like, is that trying too hard or are frat boys just annoying in a way completely unrelated to an ugly bowtie?
Important distinction: "This outfit flopped because it seems like you/it are trying too hard" != "This person is a 'try-hard". Not to say there isn't overlap or that both aren't relevant to discuss. Just that we shouldn't conflate them.
That’s a good point, Steve. I think there’s also something about status that’s worth considering. I imagine that someone who holds a lot of status in a given group is likely to “get away” with great disparity from the norm. But someone who is lower status in that same group wearing the same thing may not be given as much leniency.
To the extent that that’s true, I think the perception that someone is trying hard says as much or more about the perceiver as the perceived.
Also, I wonder how physical attractiveness plays a similar role here. People that are conventionally considered attractive probably also have more leeway on what is (even subconsciously) acceptable
no its just swag, i fear
Oh absolutely. Just because the CEO shows up in jeans doesn't (necessarily) mean random office bee gets to do so. Same thing in reverse - dressing for a board meeting when you work in the mailroom is not likely to land. Physical attractiveness may play a part, but I actually think personality does far more. The confident, gregarious person can wear a tuxedo to sweep the floors and "own it".
Tldr - what carrion said
Intra-group status is definitely an interesting concept as it relates to fashion. If someone is perceived as a leader within a social group, I’m certain their fashion choices are in turn perceived differently by other group members, both consciously and subconsciously
Yeah and I also think there are maybe different dynamics at work vs non work
I think y'all are trying too hard in this thread
A lot of the things being talked about at this point in relation to "trying too hard" IMO have absolutely no bearing on how other people view and evaluate your fit their the lens of trying too hard.
you can try hard to impress people by wearing clothes you think will impress them or you can try hard by spending an hour in your closet trying to make an outfit idea work and having a complete menty b (never done this btw)
if you dress in a way that makes you happy and that you feel confident in I think it will simply look effortless, regardless of anything else.
and I'm sure people have said this plenty in here already (and it's basically what raisin just pointed out) but plenty of people will associate any amount of intentionality in an outfit as an amount of effort, and some people will decide that that amount of effort is "trying too hard", but often that may be because they are putting very little intention or thought into how they dress and are confused or insecure when they see someone else putting in that effort.
you used a lot of words to basically say this
I can use more words
I agree with beans above about that
but like ya i think its all been stated here already
broadly people mix up bad styling with people who don't like your fit with people who don't like you
trying too hard is an insult
why people insult you varies
sometimes it can mean you bricked it
sometimes they don't like fashion
sometimes they don't like you
only the first matters
sometimes you deserve it
lol true
which loops back to this
you're certain, and so is this guy-
Do you like W David Marx? I haven't read anything by him but I've had Ametora on my reading list for a while
good writer, status and culture suffers from a flawed thesis imo
What’s your take?
i think he assumes people are way more solely focused on acquiring social capitol than in reality
there's a degree of self-motivated action that guides some of our social interactions including how we dress
Mmm yeah I feel that
Seems like something that could vary a lot from person to person
Worst marx
Karl and Brothers clear
Wrong there’s this physicist that was fucking annoying
Is this a gyorgy Marx reference LOL
Correct
i think as long as you arent uncooly appropriating a subculture without understanding it at all (urban outfitters battle vest) then you are probably fine but even if you aren't you can still wear clothes!
this shit the stupidest argument ever
can't wear doc martins if you aren't a punk guys pack it up
gotta beat up people at shows to wear docs
i do not care about doc martens at all to be honest
but i think it is cool to be aware of the cultural context of clothing because that is one of the most interesting parts of fashion to me
Doc Martens aren't a specifically punk thing at all. Like everyone was wearing them in the UK back in the 80s and loads of people still do
Motte and Bailey ass response, being aware of is very different than being unable to wear cause you aren't part of a subculture ("culturally appropriating" a subculture like ?)
A good quarter of my wardrobe is culturally appropriated from the military :gigachad:
i am unfamiliar with motte and bailey and realize that i may have misconstrued my belief, i will clarify: i think it is cool to be aware of the cultural context and connotations of your clothes, i do not think you CANT wear that clothing, its your clothing not mine i cant tell you what to do thats silly
Motte and Bailey is a type of castle
just googled it
Yeah that confused me as well
i understand now
useful logical fallacy!
if i may ask how is this relevant to trying "too hard"?
or rather how do you see its relevance to trying too hard, because imo "trying too hard" implies an awareness of what the clothes convey and an intentional effort to be perceived as such
I don’t think that is the case though. My takeaway on more reflection is that trying too hard is more a trait of the person than the outfit. I was probably wrongly attributing too much of it to the outfit.
fair point, i see the topic questions as ways to talk about things i want to talk about so inject things i want to say in them even if they are not that relevant
Not gonna lie, I think that’s precisely the opposite of what they are for
get her jade!!
i have no shame 🫡
The first time I got exposed to Doc Martens was from The Beano lol
man comics fucking suck huh
Man, this comic old enough that Docs were all made in the UK
would rather women comics