Insecurities - Topic of the day 4/23/24
Did you ever experience any insecurity when you started getting into fashion, whether it be about what someone might say, or how a certain garment or outfit looked on you? How did you navigate that? What advice do you have?
122 Replies
i think eventually, the love or satisfaction with my outfit eventually surpassed any insecurities. but now im insecure when im wearing a outfit that im not happy with. from an outside perspective that outfit could be more tame than what ive worn before, but the insecurity kinda switched from outside influences to my own. which i feel like in the end is better
"did i experience any insecurity when istarted getting into fashion"
discovers mfa as an obese queer black person uh...you could say that
taking my most recent round of fit battle pics with a tripod in a public place was a real cluster of imposter/insecurity/shame lmao
I have historically been extremely self-conscious, and I've tended toward boring basics for that reason. I think part of it is that I don't really like feeling noticed, and part of it is fear that I'll be seen as a "poser" or something. Not to mention gendered aspects of clothes being difficult for me to navigate. I've worked through a lot of it -- I wear patterns and colors now! -- but there's always work for me to do. I have at least one item in my closet I haven't worn yet because I'm scared people will think it looks stupid or something
i wish i could say i figured out some inner strength and blazed mu own path but instead there was a long vicious cycle of buying shitty clothes while still fedling miserable and some maybe disordered behavior related to body image that we don't need to get into
i think ive come along way since being a teenager worrying if a flannel was appropriate for high school
did you feel this because of the outfit or because your were taking photos in public? im still too shy to take photos in public lol, but i dont think that has to do with my outfit
I think a big insecurity in fashion is always going to come when you enter a community space and feel like you're an outlier. I think this place does a wonderful job of embracing differences and still being steezy
I tried wearing a pair of leather boots to high school once and got made fun of for it (they were very loud and not very good boots)... so i stopped trying until much later
what happened honestly was covid; between the masks and quarantining and the fact i was an essential worker i just stopped caring about how i looked or was perceived, then when i realized the world wasn't ending i still didn't care about how I perceived but instead wanted to dress better for myself, which led to learning more about brands, which led to getting more comfortable about fashion in general
the outfit by all accounts is pretty tame, but it was more lookbooky than an actual day to day fit... carrying around textbooks and doing rehearsed walks back and forth to the camera as well.
i will say i felt a little trepidation taking the fit battle pic this round because it was in a public place but i just kinda pretended it was a fashion shoot of sort and ig everyone around us thought so too lol; it felt a little more like cosplaying than an actual fit which helped
Yeah unless i have a buddy w me i get nervy taking fit pics outside
i feel like its became a lot more normalized which is great, having someone take the photos would also help
i'd just deny deny deny
yup, i tried to do it once by myself. took the shittiest pic but didnt want to do it again so just deleted it lol
Doing it with a friend is highly recommended. It becomes a fun cool activity to do together
with the exception of 2 fits i took yeeeeears ago, i've taken every one of mine on my own with my cell phone. my wife would take some if i asked but i feel like this is a 'me' thing
Logically i know that absolutely nobody cares
i think we can be our own harshest critics a lot of the time which impacts things
oh whaat, always assumed there was someone behind the camera
see: me always wearing an undershirt or never wearing a tank top as outerwear despite positive affirmations otherwise
nope
A little insecurity with fashion is a normal and healthy thing imo
A bit of distance between how you look and how you want to look can be a good motivating factor, but too much can feel daunting and stop progression
at a certain point is progression necessary once you've found what you like?
Oh no progression is never necessary
People don't have to care more about clothing/style, and most don't!
Had an interesting convo with the gf about how she doesn't understand why a discord server is needed for these conversations and fit checks because she can message any of her girl friends and get the same thing. Caring about fashion and how you look isn't very normalized in male social circles, and that definitely causes insecurities. It's easy to feel like you're not supposed to care or you're supposed to hide it.
I've kind of nestled into my little niche/safe space. That space may shift in some areas but it'll probably be about where I live for the foreseeable future
eh, i think this very much depends on the friend group among women
i would say most of my friends just dont care, its not something that causes insecurity, its just not a topic.
A lot of men people in general don't have these relationships within their guy friend groups
the thing I was most insecure about was participating in an online fashion space tbh
hmm i might disagree there personally, cause i feel like you can still care about clothing and style while not exactly progressing.
taking fit pics irl is one thing but posting them online I think is far more daunting
i just want to talk to someone about my hobby and my friends don't care about clothing simple as
they all know im into it
obviously i've had insecurity have you seen how i dress
yup; friends and family tend to be more accepting even if i brick(the halo effect in action)
in the days of yore I would only post fit and it wasn't until the discord format that I felt comfortable interacting with the space in any other capacity
took a bit to get used to taking the want of wearing loud clothes and the actually wearing eyecatching clothes in public since it obviously draws a lot of attention
thats the point
important to note that "progress" here is intensely subjective and personal, like someone can be doing more style progress just reading and learning than going out and buying clothing
is that "caring about clothing and style" or caring about your clothing and style?
once you get past the fact that bricking fits is part of the process everything gets a lot easier
Insecure about my bad photos, im just in general bad with a camera and am envious of some of you
ah okay, that makes sense!
that isn't meant to be judgmental but rather a distinction between fashion as an area for personal improvement and fashion as a hobby
also im so bad at dressing slutty, that still makes me so self-conscious, had to sell the mesh tee i got cause i couldn't wear it
i think i had a misconception of what progression exactly meant, moreso as a hobby because i think at this point a lot of us are past the personal improvement part
hell yeah slutty came up
we could do a whole thread about just this
i know i couldn't do art's fit from ro32
paradoxically dressing slutty got easier as i got older lmao
wear a suit?
the shirt lol
part of it is not being obese for sure but the other part is realizing the distinction between being stylish and provocative (stolen from antm of all places)
True, this is purely anecdotal đ
wearing the shirt like 90% open without an undershirt. Its completely in my head obviously
just take it one button at a time bud
you're not gonna die
we'll work on it this summer
i want the ALD mesh polo so
I also thought so with my friends, but I sort of found out it was just that we don't talk about it with each other
i like this dichotomy, and think it sheds some light on how provocative is really in the eye of the beholder
honestly motivating af
I would love a real discussion about dressing provocatively/slutty but idt this community is quite the right space for it.
fuck it let's see what happens
I'll throw it in totd
yeah, 100%. I just sometimes feel like a lot of men think women's friend groups are pretty monolithic but they vary a lot
I mean it's gonna be a big discussion about what everyone "finds attractive" which isn't the point at all. Might as well try tho
worst case I just ban a whole bunch of people
@ everyone then kick off the thread :letsfuckinggo:
There's that one thread as a reference lol
Dressing slutty should be better though rather than focusing on the sexy part since it gets rid of that subjectiveness aspect of it.
I think it's worse actually lol
Because there's all these vague taboo notions tied to it
Plus it's two separate conversations about what's slutty on me vs what's slutty others that are linked by personal and vaguely defined boundaries with lots of carve outs
I guess we'll just see what happens in 48 hours
can we do it friday morning at 9 i'll be bored on the train then
yeah I'll rearrange them
swag ty
Jumping back a bit to the taking fitpics in public discussion; the other solution is just move to nyc where this is a totally normal activity
always me
The big thing ive been running against recently which i dont think has a good solution: i am a very blue collar boy who lives in a very blue collar neighborhood. I really love how i look in suits but i dont wear them with any sort of frequency anymore because i feel so out of place in my environment in them
i have the reverse experience where wearing swag just makes me feel more confident and cooler than everyone else who isnt putting that shit on
part of this is probably just informed by my intro to fashion through rick owens because to wear rick in public you have to stop caring what people not into fashion think
but like i don't feel any sort of way if the dude in terrible elastic chinos doesn't fw the fit. i assume like a solid percentage of people think i look stupid and that's their loss
i've gotten closer to this as i've put shit on, though nowhere close to you
i have enough "weird" things about my appearance that caring strongly about what others think would be counterproductive
I had that mindset when i lived downtown
It definitely has faded in the last couple years
As with everything else, it as to do with your goals. I don't mind being perceived generally, but it has to be the right amount. And it's super context dependent
Ethan has a few blog posts about "main character energy"
Im much more choosy now about when i go for it totally
i was also in the bay area where literally no one cares about how they look so i was still puttin that shit on for me
caring what others think is okay to do dude
me irl
you just gotta strike a good balance
i just have shit communication
i care some
but its filtered through who cares and what
I think I had the usual "this is to cool for me" hangup many of us have. Still having it tbh, but im working on it.
Apart from that there are just some occasions where I need to force myself looking at inspo pics because they just make me feel inadequate.
That being said, that is also tied up with gender and body bs.
for the longest time it was hard to source inspo, initially because but spun it into a form of self-loathing now moreso because of my natural tendency to compare things.
one reason i like the discord is that it's easier to see the person behind the fit as a person (and usually one willing to answer questions) rather than as an abstraction
Yeah, I really appreciate that as well. Makes it much easier.
you see more than that tiny curated sliver of an image
reminds me of the first time I wore my full cinnamon corduroy suit (to an antifascist protest) and promptly got interviewed by TV lol
swag: on
thanks
sweet boots
unfortunately the pants are a bit to short, fortunately they still have some fabric folded inside of them, so maybe that can still be fixed. Although Im noticing that I prefer to wear the jacket as a separate, because it maybe a bit too much orange as a full suit lol
they were propably my first really fashion conscious decision. I agonized over buying them for like 3 months lol
You put that shit on
i still get self-conscious about the shopping part of things tbh. I guess I don't feel like I "belong" either in fashion spaces or in men's spaces or what, idk
When I was in my teens and early 20s much of my interest in fashion stemmed from insecurity. I wanted to look cooler than I felt and my style was always driven by that impetus. Counterintuitively, I bricked most of my fits because of this. As Iâve gotten older, my insecurities have shifted to other things so now I just wear what I like because I know Iâm cool. I think that insecurity around the way you dress is pretty common, but itâs how you approach it that makes the difference. IMO if you let insecurity drive your fits youâll brick a whole lot more, but if you wear what you like in spite of insecurity youâll get a lot more fits off.
Appreciate you sharing that. You do certainly belong here at least
Yeah, this place has always felt welcoming! I appreciate you all
I never got into fashion earlier bc I thought that having man boobs (medical conditions) would make it pointless, but I've definitely grown to the point where it's not worth caring about that the way I used to. It's more of a matter of learning how to manipulate variables to my favor, like wearing oversized, darker colors or just thicker materials such that it doesn't distract me and amplify those preconceived notions
I think rigit now I'm being held back by the notion of not being comfortable with wearing stuff like mesh even though I want to, though I also think it's gonna be a minor speed bump more than anything
It's more effortless to just do things that are faithful to yourself rather than try to pretend to be someone you're not
I think it also helps to consider that social norms have their own gravitational pull but nothing about conformity (or deviance) dictates that it's inherently good or bad. It's different and doesn't need to be compared the way that people often make moral judgements on fits that "deviate"
I would really like to see the discussion. But it really would be a case of "mods, get the ban hammer ready."
the degree to which you resemble me is freaking me out
You have to duel
Hmmm. A lot of my insecurities inform my fashion.
For example... One thing I am insecure about is the fact that the vast majority of my peers are studying full time and being supported by their parents. Whereas I'm studying full time and working 30hrs on top of that to make ends meet.
Or like... The fact that I really want to travel. And occasionally my peers are discussing going to Europe over summer and I'm like... Damn. I spent my summer slaving away in a factory.
I look at clothes as a kind of way of feeling good about myself and how I look. I... Often can't do much. But I can be proud of my clothes.
been saying this since forever
its really funny
they've been on the server like a week?
since the first fit whenever it was
#separatedatbirth
What kind of duel though?
Fit battle of course
(pretty certain I would lose, but thats all right :D)
Oh man, this was me 10000%
Evander Berry Wall
Evander Berry Wall (January 14, 1861 â May 4, 1940) was a New York City socialite and later an American expatriate in France during the Belle Ăpoque and beyond. He was famous for his extravagantly refined look and was crowned "King of the Dudes" in the 1880s.
Wall ascribed his longevity to the fact he never saw physicians and always drank champagne[13] instead of water, claiming that "There are more old drunkards than there are old doctors."[
Can't argue with facts like that
I mean if you consider 19th century physicians he might have had a point lol
I'm trying to figure out what shoes he is wearing
iâm still likeâŚreally really insecure about discussing the fact that iâm forced to wear womenâs shoes here (not necessarily in style but in size) just because the trans life is hell when it comes to sizing shoes in particular. itâs why i keep going âmy feet are smallâ and such.
i know this place is accepting and yet!! my brain is mean
iktf in the opposite direction when i have to wear mens shoes đŠ
iâm still trying to figure out how to help my homegirl get some heels in her big sized-for-menâs-shoes feet. i see people in skirts here though and it makes me less âaaaaaaâ about it at least
yeah it sucks. i found one pair of heels that work for me and i will do my best to never let them go
the answer is obvious :rickohbaby:
real as hell