Validation - Topic of the day 7/31/24
Obviously we all tell people they should dress for themselves but not for others. But we also upload pictures of our outfits here to get š„ reacts, and we have a semiannual fit battle, so. Is it healthy to seek a lil validation through how you dress? How do you obtain validation through your outfits?
135 Replies
Its healthy if I hit highlights
I like receiving compliments I hate talking about fashion or that I like fashion irl
Sometimes a bit of validation can be useful for me, especially when im caught in a negative thought spiral to yank myself out of that.
I mean validation is part of fashion. I think theres this weird misunderstanding of what "dressing for yourself means"
it does not mean dress like shit and dismiss all feedback or something
The whole point of fashion is to put that shit on
validation isn't inherently negative - it supports the choices we made as positive
Dressing for yourself just means don't dress of an outgroup that doesn't represent you or for a specific person or something
It doesn't mean don't dress for others period
I want yall to perceive me and think "damn hes fly"
Fashion is about dressing for others to see you
thats the hobby
relying on external validation to the point where you're acting inauthentically is a concern
and it's maybe a concern worth exploring, because the act of wearing clothes isn't going to magically transform your personality or habits or interests into a more digestible one for romantic partners or friends or strangers on the internet
it is nice to get validation when you feel you've put in a lot of effort or tried something new, if only to see that that effort or exploration was worthwhile.
with respect to mfad though, i don't think you should hang all of your hopes on making highlights - you can't control who is online in a given day or how they're feeling or any other number of things. you can control whether or not to post fit, and if you're enjoying posting fit that's the most important thing
incidentally comments >= reacts imo; hearing WHY a fit is good or getting acknowledgement that something is good is more impactful in the long run
Oh dang that topic is perfect for me rn LOL
Was literally talking about it yesterday
been feeling that
took fit pics yesterday
unsure if I want to post fit because I don't know if I love the fit myself
getting nice comments alway makes me feel better. i try not to look at reacts tbh cause i know im the type to get too hung up on it. usually now its like, i like this fit but im just going to buy groceries so no ones going to see it. so i just take a pic and post so i feel like it doesnt go to waste lol
I've yet to really find my own style although I'm starting to pinpoint things I like
My waywts are all over the place in terms of style lmao
Even though even my perception is probably biased by trends to some extent
But yeah what I was saying yesterday was that I realized a main motivation for dressing was the person I broke up with yesterday, even though we have pretty different fashion tastes and I didn't try to imitate his, it somehow feels less important to look good now.
So I guess yeah validation is important for me
Anyway validation is like the point of fashion to me. I just don't think thats incompatible with dressing for myself.
I'm vain as fuck
also you're getting judged even if you don't try
I like getting compliments lol
Who doesnāt
Thereās a weird sense of āIām above complimentsā but like are you?
Itās like people on Reddit who say theyāll only buy Camrys if theyāre a millionaire. Do you really want the Camry or do you want to be complimented on how responsible and frugal you are?
People exist to seek validation
Whether itās wow you blend in so well, or wow you stick out so much
There's a balance to find it's tricky
Dressing up is a way to show who you are
On the other hand I don't want to do too much and end up in the same box with superficial people whose whole life revolves around looks
Hell punk/emo scene people seek validation amongst each other and validation that they scare the normies
yeah same! lots of why i dress is because i look hot and cool and that ppl on the internet/irl tell me i look hot and cool
but fashion for me has translated into a lot of self-love and confidence independent of fashion
can't agree more
this is a much much larger discussion than fashion imo and tbh im not the one who's able to unpack all that. it's just that fashion culture is so affected by social media (even here as evidenced by "house style") which has really changed the way we interact as human beings and with ourselves even. im not able to properly articulate this but hopefully some people will understand my general idea
Oh yeah for sure
I'm way too deep into the fashiontok and IG š
fuck it one :post: :fit: react and i'll drop the waywt from yesterday
of course i "see myself" more in the clothes i wear now than i did before i discovered experimental fashion, but i think it's simply because i spend lots of time with this specific way i style clothes. like an alternate universe me could've leaned prep/ivy or super big colorful stuff and it would be no less "me" than i am rn
Sometimes I put a fit on in my house and the tree falls in the forest with no one around to hear it and I feel good as hell because I got that shit on but that doesnāt mean I donāt get all tingly when someone tells me they like my outfit
and sometimes i put shit on and feel good and then someone tells me I bricked
and i reexamine it
and i did brick
and so i improve
i was thinking about this exact thing, and whether my excitement is due to the fact that i personally like what i put on or if i am simply anticipating other people liking what i put on
but after some thought, it's probably a lot of both and i don't think the distinction really matters?
putting shit on is almost entirely self-care for me and a part of that is absolutely the validation i recieve from external sources
fashion and gym has a lot of overlap for me here too
i think a lot comes down to what you feel about the fit itself
Deviating a bit but:
I feel like trends/the fashion meta have too much hold over me
It's not conscious but like I got exposed to some things I used to find silly so much that I now like them
Only been into fashion for a short time (like, a year) so there's nothing yet I regret buying or feel cringe about but I'm scared Ill feel the way I currently do about skinny things about the other things in my wardrobe, a few years down the line
trends are great
its interesting to me because i love irl comments but im happiest when im not posting to the internet at all
you will and thats ok
Prefacing this by saying that I havenāt read anything
https://discord.com/channels/1116793467654381685/1116800072093532191/1211686025324269598 this was a fit where the value i got from it was dealing with whatever insecurities i had and posting it outright; that it was so well received is really really nice but the benefit i got was being emboldened to put shit on
cannot imagine being afraid of what me in 5 years thinks of me now
I think that itās ok for one of the motivations with starting to dress better to be becoming more attractive to the desired sex
same shit happens with tats
Iāve done some of the same thinking- if you want to explore it further, try talking out the āam I making what I like or what I think people will likeā with someone who does art theyāve all spent tons of time thinking about it and have a ton of good insight
me in 5 years knows better and me 5 years ago was an idiot
"how will you feel about tattoos when you are old" idgaf what i think then
i like em now
hopefully i look back and laugh at myself
As long as youāre doing so in a way that is authentic to you I think itās fine
it's such a limiting way to live life
If I donāt like em thatās because future me is a nerd
and you can't avoid this
i remember the write up for this
i can't state this enough
this isn't a fashion thing
the thing is we are the sum of all of our experiences, good and bad (someone else can phrase that better, maybe involving a coconut or something)
this is a life thing
you will regret things and laugh at yourself down the line
no matter how much you try to avoid it
ya i look at old text messages and cringe
i feel like you would do well as a blogger zeo
old things i wrote and cringe
I donāt think it should be the only reason to start dressing better but I think itās naive to ask people to completely disregard the opinions of others and the desire to be more attractive when they start dressing better
if you wore skinny jeans or some other thing you now find awful, the point is it served a purpose for you in that time.
it's normal
I got exposed to some things I used to find silly so much that I now like themoh yes absolutely, i remember thinking rick owens dickflap tanks look awful but i got so used to them and they look great now. i put them on now knowing that most people outside myself/the fashion communities i'm in still think they look stupid, but that me wearing them with lots of confidence will make them look good anyway/cause them to reevaluate
anyway trends rock
That's true!
But then it's not me it's what society manipulated me into consuming to feel cool for a few months/yrs
Not saying that's that bad but yeah
the past is not ultimately something to run away from, but to learn from and get inspired by as you move forward to the future
i mean some things will never truly catch on for me no matter how much mfad makes them seem appealing
i would be more embarrassed if i was stagnant and hadn't changed at all in 5 years than if i had
i used to think paraboot michaels were some of the ugliest shoes i've ever seen
now they're just neutral to me
i wore a bunch of slim fit stuff in part because of wanting to feel accepted by people - that was good for me five years ago, before i got married and before i started a career and before i made meaningful adult relationships
Same zeo
not ugly, but i don't want them for my wardrobe all the same
I still have all my skin tight jeans š and colorful branded sweaters
especially if that shit is their job! like this is just a cute consumption hobby for me
And neon colored sneakers
also like, love the past versions of yourself a little more? Maybe you liked something because it was trendy, that's not a bad thing or something to be ashamed of. We're all being influenced by everything we experience that's just life
ššš
it's not a good fit for me now but those experiences then are what led to me now, some guy who owns several pairs of pleated PRL pants off ebay
just ask your parents about the 80s fashion
but at some point past me made a choice and then another choice and became present me
what carrion said basically
lots of them will be like "I can't believe I went out with my hair like that"
in a good way
they don't regret doing it
they just laugh at it
I was buying 2 sizes too small black skinny jeans that were 98% elastene and I was putting that shit on lmfao
yes! i love my techwear phase because it's what got me used to dressing a lil silly and costume-y. i don't like the pieces i purchased or rly the outfits but i love what it did to my engagement w/ fashion
i wasn't when i did the same but go off monarch š
(this was because i was still learning and nothing was particularly intentional.)
i used to wear blazers and u wouldn't catch me dead in one now but i was putting that shit on
Absolutely I'm not saying we should be ashamed looking back
It just shows how little free will I actually have LOL like I only liked these because society agreed they were cool, pretty much
Didn't consciously wear them to fit in, my brain started to like them to fit in
separate thought - having a sense of internal validation (as long as it doesn't turn into egoism or an unwillingness to listen to criticism/accept reality) is the ideal situation to navigate the external validation that comes from wearing clothes
absolutely
imo it helps to give validation in service of that
I have egoism and an unwillingness to accept reality and itās awesome
being able to give a sincere (not backhanded) compliment or acknowledgement of someone else's choices makes the process more normalized for you
that way it becomes about the choices we made and not the people we are
If I donāt make highlights itās because you guys fucked up tbqh
with a few very isolated circumstances that i've noted elsewhere highlights are largely a construct
if i miss highlights whatever but also it's a you problem š
Haven't made it to highlights yet hehe
Someday š
give it time!
it is far easier to not try to predict what will make highlights
me making highlights prolly has largely to do with my engagement w/ the community & my presence as a recognizable face
or worse, to try and pander to try and make highlights which is what this topic is largely against, in reading
and that i ptso but i digress
also true
put cool clothes on, post them
you'll never know what impact you'll get until you do
Ngl I've caught myself putting on an additional layer for the pic cuz it looks cool and taking it off before leaving because it's too hot š¤
oh all the time
tell me this it makes me better about doing it raw
i fuss with shirt tucking in that way too, before just ripping it out before i leave because it'll untuck itself anyways
Yesss
I wear it out anyway n suffer because I gotta look cool out there too
esp with the super delicate drapey one-side ann tuck that tends to look good w/ the stuff i wear
I did not leave with my pants tucked in my boots yesterday š
Ok yeah thatās something where I cba to be redoing that all day and Iād rip it out
Same man, same :nooooo:
tucked in boot fits are fun and good
I mean
I did but it started looking silly and coming out of one side so I took them out š
That goes hard ngl
any person in real life who is fixated on your pants being tucked in is weird imo
i can never get pants to stay tucked into my shoes or socks or whatever when i do occasionally try it
the same standard would apply to you š
Oh no it wasn't being scared of what people think
I meant I tucked them in for validation for the picture knowing full well they'd come out by themselves after 5 mins
Get boot blousings dont tuck in boots
that said this is topical because I had momentary panic before sending that fit - i was to some extent ignoring what was stylish in contemporary eyes in favor of nailing a specific reference, but i felt i had to submit it
the validation was great but, again, it's a situation where the effort spent was worth it independent of result
speaking of validation I gotta post fit today
gimme the baby internet flames
What do you all do with days you donāt really like what youāre wearing/didnāt really try? Youāre not excited about it or expecting validation. Post fit or just use it to ask question in qna?
Some people like to post every fit, some people only post their bangers it's up to you
I mean today Iām wearing a hoodie and double knees which is a fit I like but itās just a default one so I probably wonāt post it
I typically never leave the house in something I donāt like
Idk I sometimes just post but often I donāt
Like today Iām wearing a mid ass fit
In a similar vein I don't have unlimited clothes, so if I posted more there would be lots of repeats
Makes sense
Iāve been in Australia all summer with days in the 60s, beginning to think about my clothes more. Now Iām back in the Midwest, itās 90 degrees and all my clothes are just whatever Iāve had from years past and donāt really feel right
ok but dressing in 90+ is a bitch no matter how much swag you have
I guess for the point Iām at, just taking a picture is more important than posting
Then I can look back next year and be like, ādamn I look so much betterā
I spend a lot of my time wearing clothes I lift in and I'm not posting waywt or qna for them
Thats my secret, I don't upload pictures of our outfits here. Validated by my lacck of seeking validation
And THEN I can post both and get my validation that way
i dress with intention the majority of the time but i don't always post the fits
there's some value in putting the effort into a fit just for real life, without the more instant feedback from discodd
I like knowing I look ok
Just knowing that i don't look odd in my fit is comforting
I know I like how I dress. Sometimes, an objective opinion is needed to ensure that my good fit does not come off as quirky. :kekw:
I think of the reacts/comments here as a potential gauge of "am I effectively accomplishing what my goal is?" or "here's something new, am I on an interesting track?"
I think that's validation, yea. But I like to think the lens through which I'm seeking it is productive.
"you look like a lesbian" has unfortunately come up on here too š
but i agree, because i have an interest in and expend effort in dressing i do appreciate the more targeted commentary from a place like mfad vs like...my mom saying my fit is nice because i wore a tie
no shade to my mom who is awesome but ykwim
Yeah, I get you and agree
last night my mom told me to button more buttons because I was ādressed like a gigoloā and āthis is why youāre singleā šš
so?
did you unbutton another one?
š¦ thats sad
tbh I did get some flak from my mom for starting to wear jewelry last month bahaha
I told her that I had no buttons buttoned earlier, but that Iād already buttoned some for her puritanical sensibilities. Also that if she brought it up again I will stay single forever and sheāll only have grandkids from my brothers.
Same
but shorts
I get told I dress like a lesbian by my lesbian friends (complementary)