Unsolicited Advice - Topic of the day 7/21/24
How do you decide when and when not to offer advice/criticism when it is not asked for? If someone is actively bricking is it best to chime in, or say nothing at all? Discuss. I am soliciting discussion rn.
37 Replies
unless someone is actively soliciting advice i find it best to not jump in with unrequested feedback
unless it's something major like "your fly is unzipped bud"
I agree in general, although if I feel like I know a poster, I'll sometimes chime in with a "this would also work great with XXX" kind of comment
im not saying shit unless asked, can easily turn a fun hobby into something stressful and mean-spirited. this clothes shit ain't that serious
not everyone is mentally equipped for feedback whenever and that's ok
This depends so much on the space and expectations. I’ve been in spaces where feedback is just expected all the time and it can be a bit rough depending on how it’s given and what state of mind you’re in.
There are pros and cons to each I suppose but I tend to land on the side where I just don’t give feedback unless it’s asked for or potentially disastrous like white at a wedding or something.
Here in particular I think we’re trying to be a very welcoming space and the internet has the unique ability to turn “open to feedback all the time” into “let’s dunk on the new kids” so I don’t really give feedback unless it’s in the proper channels.
so well said beans
i do agree that there's some wiggle room if talking with people you know or if there are leading statements ("i like this but i'm not feeling it for some reason") but otherwise i have to recognize there may be context i'm missing that affected their choice
thinking of how much of a fucking minefield posting on the reddit subs was
*is
Reddit
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Yeah there’s tons of nuance. I think coming from a place of genuine interest helps me a lot. Both on the internet and in person. Giving advice to flex your fashion knowledge muscles is silly and unproductive. It’s not about the advice giver
oh god why do this to yourself
this was months ago though i still get the rare comment nowadays
ironically it underscores another issue, that sometimes the advice is misguided, to put it kindly
reddit was a big contributing factor to me quitting fashion altogether for years. im neurodivergent and not built for constant unsolicited negative feedback redditors give
made me feel like i couldn't do anything right and was just in a rly bad headspace at the time
glad i just randomly checked the mfa reddit one day and saw this discord cuz it rly reignited my interest
An apropos comic
my braincase meatspace got a bit better after I greatly reduced my reddit usage. I recommend it.
oh ya im long gone from reddit
great decision
With reddit with certain things I take with huge huge a grain of salt or just not at all
I don't say shit in waywt unless I have rapport with the person
unless there's any sort of disclaimer in the caption people are posting in WAYWT because they think they have that shit on and I think popping in with advice (even innocuous 'try this instead' suggestions) could be quite easily misconstrued, especially for new users
posting outfits on the internet is incredibly anxiety-inducing at first so I would rather see someone brick 100 fits but stay in the community then get discouraged because the fit they thought was worth posting here received criticism (constructive or otherwise)
I also think commenting 'are you open to advice' is probably the worst thing you can say in someone's waywt lmao
ya if you want/don't mind feedback just do what guatou does and put feedback welcome in ur server name
it's also incredibly simple to remember but if you aren't okay with unsolicited feedback you shouldn't be giving it to other people, no matter how helpful you think it may be
complete opposite of this thread, wish there was an easier way to ask for feedback always
I don't give it though cause thats not the vibe of the server
but idgaf tell me if you think im bricking, just know imma be checking how you dress fr fr
I operate on this assumption for you tbh
You’re one of the people that’s really open and receptive to feedback and so if I have feedback I’ll usually give it to you respectfully and it seems like that’s how a lot of regs treat you
smiles is genuinely the feedback sponge but very few are built like him
He’s kinda :gigachad: for it
think if everybody who joined got the same dual_ipa treatment that smiles did in the early days we'd have like 25 total members
I’m gonna say here that people can drop feedback on my fits (which I never post anyway) and then I’m gonna either crumble under the pressure or come out stronger for it
Gonna smilesmaxx my response to feedback
i will say he was a massive dick to me but he also gave me some good advice too lol
anyway yes to that point most people whose feedback I care about know they can just give it to me
so it works well cause ive been open i really will take it into consideration (or dismiss it if I think you're wrong)
also yes in general for solicited feedback it needs to be respectful and helpful. Insults or things that make it clear you have no idea why you don't like it aren't useful
In my experience unsolicited advice is usually bad advice bc it usually comes from ppl who don't get etiquette
(Exceptions apply to cases where there is a blanket allowance for advice, see smiles)
giving unsolicited fit advice is on a level with giving unsolicited advice in the gym.
I.E. Only if its someone you know that is definitely open to that
i don't send hate mail to anyone except smiles
or double post in #questions-and-advice (formerly styling suggestions)
in my experience it's been nice to see both sides of the coin, the actual constructive criticism and the fact that -overall- maybe the fit wasn't as bad as i thought
or that there were specific parts that were really strong
I'm generally open to unsolicited advice on my fits, as long as it's encouraging and constructive. I've noticed Shrimp My Ride has done this for me a couple of times, and I appreciate it.
I don't think I would offer unsolicited advice except to someone who was posting fits regularly that I feel like I have some rapport with.
And in that case, I would try to be positive and offer alternatives rather than criticism. Something like "I really like the colors. I think this would also look good with <different shoes>"
I’m immensely late but ya even tho I got it in the name I haven’t gotten any feedback :nooooo:
Also had to snip my username up due to character restrictions
if u give me unsolicited advice I’m pushing an untested patch to your device
Its a quick way to earn a block, thats for sure