Have body dysmorphic disorder and need general help/advice.
Hey guys. I have BDD and I've always struggled finding clothes and getting them to fit correctly. I keep very fit and I'm nearing what I think I'd like to be my "final" size at a lean 190 lbs @ 6'0 ft tall. I think there's a lot of opportunity for things to go wrong in an outfit when you have muscles and a very dysphoric/inconsistent view of yourself, how things fit, and how certain looks come across. One thing I've been hearing is that I have a very incongruent look, between my body, personality, and my style. I think I'm between most conventional sizes in that most "large" garments off the rack don't fit me at all, and feel baggy and long in the arms, and medium clothes also don't fit, as they are often very tight in the shoulders and upper back area. I've been leaning a lot on knitted clothing lately because it feels less rigid when it's slightly too small.
Pants are a complete nightmare as well, because they either never fit in a way that I feel comfortable in, or if they do, they don't pair well with the shoes or boots I want to wear with them. I honestly don't even know where to start. I don't have any photos because I often can't stand the way I look - but more importantly, I don't think I'd recognize a good, fitting outfit on myself if I didpull one off.
I guess I'm just wondering how to start fixing this problem. Is there a service I can pay for to help me with this? I've considered going to a tailor many times but I don't know what to say or ask or to what extent they could help.
350 Replies
Let’s start by figuring out what you like on other people, post a couple pics of outfits you like from #waywt #mar2024-top-waywt #waywt-highlights or just instagram or elsewhere
So, I don't think I'd look great in this outfit. But to me, the silhouette this fit creates really strikes me as something I'd like.
It's not about the layers or texture or anything here. The form fitting in the legs and shoulders is really appealing.
I'll keep looking.
So many of these posted outfits look great to me on the people that they're on, but there's this baggyness trend that obscures the shape of the body that also steers me away from wanting to wear something similar.
I'm a little shorter than CR, but we have very similar measurements. I do like this quite a bit.
Yeah current fashion trends tend to lean towards looser fits so that’s more of what you’ll find here, but finding something you’re happy with is most important
I don't mind if the trends here aren't what I'm looking for. Mostly I just need people I can trust to steer me in the right direction.
The pictures that you posted look uncomfortably slim, it's also a very dated trend that people on a fashion server are gonna tell you to avoid.
There's a wide range of fits in between skin tight like the pics you posted and baggy trendy stuff, maybe check out regular fit or straight fit items for a happy middle ground
I find that I have to size up when I do this, and end up wearing what is essentially a draped tent over my torso
Is this where a tailor comes into play?
No
You probably look just fine in regular fit stuff, you're just not used to how it feels/looks on your body if you're used to wearing skinny fit
Pics would help though, as always
I want to be cautious assuming but I think you're overly concerned about clothes fitting too loose given the pics you linked
This is all subjective but tbh Ronaldo is just a bad dresser
This is a medium denim shirt from Banana Republic
Looks too tight to me
From the front it looks like I've got a belly
It is a little tight. Not as bad as some other stuff I have
But like, I don't have a belly. You can see the difference between the side and front view
A large is definitely not the answer here, as it would be too big for my shoulders.
Looks super tight and small
Size up maybe even 2 sizes
XL?
Possibly, I'm roughly your height and weight and typically wear L or XL in tops
Do you have anything posted here?
I'd be interested in what someone else my size is wearing
Search
from:bigelow_ in:waywt has:imageYou handsome. But, with respect, I don't believe you're as thick front to back as I am.
I think that's what's causing my issue.
This is all the more reason why you should size up :)
Let me see if I can find an XL shirt real quick
I think you need to reframe what you think of in terms of what is and isn't proper fit
No shot am I an XL
lmao
This fit looks better on you than the M to me, the shirt itself is not very good though
Sleeve is long obviously but the shoulders and body look just fine
You could fit a whole ass other person in this shirt
Hangs mega low, too.
This shirt fits me perfectly... for the look I'm going for. I don't care that the shoulder seams are slightly over my shoulder, or that it's not grabbing my body tight. I prefer this sort of relaxed and billowy look, it's comfortable and breezy and doesn't restrict movement
Do you have any size Ls?
Not on hand
If I were you I'd try some on next time you're at a mall / store
Most of my shirts are L rather than XL and every brand fits a little differently
I'm gonna chip in to agree with GSH here, you want to be looking for shirts at least in a size L
and that's coming from someone who is also 6' tall and weighs 195lbs
I don't know. I've never in my life seen someone dress like this outside of internet fashion interest spaces. Like most of the people here, it looks good to me. But it doesn't seem like something I should be wearing at my age or to anything that I'm going out to.
mutters something about age only being a number
Maybe the brands I look at don't carry particularly flattering or fitting larges?
also i would definitely look into the choice of brand; the #topic-of-the-day today is on old navy/gap/banana republic and one of my frustrations with them as a corporation is that their sizing varies drastically from most other brands which makes shopping hard
It could be, there's unfortunately an element of experimentation involved to find cuts/shapes in clothing that you like and make you feel good about the way you look
that's where buying things secondhand from thrift stores, ebay etc is useful because you can experiment for little cost
alternatively go to stores and try stuff on, you aren't obligated to buy things
I don't know if I'm capable of feeling good about the way I look. Which is probably why I'm trying to find some sort of external confirmation.
It's not just that I feel like I look bad. I'm sure sometimes I look good. But I can't tell the difference.
It’s hard to train your eye around fashion and even harder to see yourself “objectively” we put a lot of bias into how we view ourselves
As others have mentioned, it looks like you have a belly because the shirt and pants are so tight. With more room to breath and move the clothes won't pucker and pull in ways that make your body look that way.
That psuedo-belly is literally the bunching of fabric that isn't touching my stomach, though.
Sizing consistency, especially above a size L gets tricky since your a ways away from the main pattern and different brands will change different dimensions differently as you go up in size. Also, tailoring that shirt to get rid of the excess would be pretty cheap. But it fits your shoulders much better
Right, that's because it's too small
Wouldn't a larger size just create more bunching? I don't follow
It actually does not! You can see in that pic how the shirt is really tight in your upper chest and bunches around your hips and waist on the sides. A larger size will sort of hang off your body a bit and the fabric will be able to drape.
You can see that in the pic GSH posted. The shirt is clearly draping off his body and he has room to move around
It’s the tension of the fabric pulling in other places causing weird shapes that you are bothered by I think
I think I fundamentally find the baggy clothing trend too androgynous. I can tell it's aesthetic, especially now that I'm learning about consistency with formality, but I would simply be laughed at in any of my social circles for dressing the way the men here do.
But to me it completely covers the body and renders no shape
I think one thing that might help overall is choosing the right type of clothing for what you want, if what you want is to show your body, choosing dress shirts is just not the right garment for that
This might be true
I really don't think the fit I posted looks androgynous or laugh-worthy, it's just a button down shirt and cords
It's pretty menswear coded tbh
I would definitely be laughed at in that out fit.
Tbh that seems more like a problem with the people laughing than anything else but that’s outside our purview
I think maybe some things are region specific. I live in central Canada and I have never in my life encountered anyone who dresses the way I see fashionable people online dress.
What do people in your social circles wear? Just curious
I play live music, so it's all over the place depending on genre.
Usually very flamboyant button downs. The vast majority of the male musicians I see are very skinny lithe dudes. I used to be as well when I was younger. I like the look.
:doubt: tbqh
And then in my formal circles, the young professionals I know in medicine and finance are usually in knitwear or vests. Sort of a dad vibe.
Fashion trends overall tend to be more broadly global it’s just that specifics and day to day wear of people that aren’t keyed into fashion as a hobby are more localized and slow to change. Nothing is universal of course, western and English speaking countries will have more in common with each other most likely
Really a key question here is are you looking to us to help you fit in, help you express yourself, help you feel good about your outfits
It just feels like there's a lack of pragmatism to some of the outfits I see here compared to what I feel would be appropriate in places I go. Not in manouverability or convenience, but my god would you ever stand out. And not in a good way.
Let’s be careful about being judgmental
I'm not.
I actually think a lot of the outfits here look great.
I'm just trying to explain my personal aversion and why I would be uncomfortable wearing some of them.
Your environment is your environment but it’s also likely that your conceptions of how harshly others would perceive you is likely exaggerated
I'd like to be less incongruent and offputting with my appearance in general, I think.
We very often imagine people will judge us as harshly as we judge ourselves and that just isn’t the reality
Funnily enough I find the trend for wider fits to be better for all of those things. I have more range of motion in wide pants rather than slim. Lots of huge pockets to put stuff in. I don't particularly stand out either. Certainly not more than anyone else not wearing atheleisure/hiking clothes
I don't want to minimize your feelings because they are legitimate, but have you considered that feeling may be a product of your body dysmorphia rather than what would happen in reality? Someone being laughed at for wearing a casual button down shirt and corduroys just... doesn't really make sense to me
It's a super basic outfit, I see people wearing similar things every day
Not at all. And to some extent, you're probably right. But I've got a ton of experiences that lend me to thinking the way I do.
I have never noticed a human being wearing corduroys in my entire life. Edit: In person
We also don't have to get hung up on the specific items. Taking the outfit you posted above which looks like a denim or chambray shirt and jeans and just making some of the cuts a little different is also entirely valid
I think frankly that is likely just due to not being in your focus but it’s also largely irrelevant, we should focus on finding things you do want to wear
What do you see people wearing mostly
I have OCD and some symptoms of body dysmorphia, and yeah if friends end up being mean to you about fashion choices then the problem is them and not you
Sadly this is just something that will happen with certain guys, having been on the receiving end of this at work last week for wearing a flannel tucked into carpenter pants. I'm about a point where I don't care but it happens, some people just take their insecurity out on others
This is probably the most inoffensive outfit I've ever worn. Nice and relaxed jeans. Well fitting plain grey sweatshirt and a puffy that's actually a little too small
https://discord.com/channels/1116793467654381685/1116800072093532191/1194447038591533186
I see most commonly in men, outfits that aren't even an attempt at looking good or made with any intention, like jeans and a band t shirt. Or, when I'm at a show it's tight jeans and tight fitting button downs with psychadelic or exaggerated colors and patterns.
I went to a show last night and couldn't step out of my car without two drunk guys making comments about my hair they didn't think I could hear.
Yeah, my pathologist buddy dresses like this.
I think this is still a very relevant question then. You seem to be very interested in dressing to fit in, but also want to tackle some fitment issues.
fuck those guys you know
oops sorry for the ping bishop
a lot of people have such a superficial interaction w/ fashion that their opinion is just kind of worthless
The look of horror on their faces when they realised I was walking into the venue they were drinking at and was much beefier than they realised did make me happy.
Do you want to dress like the people you see or do you want dress with more intention than them
Depending on your area it may be that most people just dress badly, and by putting in effort you will inevitably stand out
No, I don't like the way they dress. When I was skinny it might have worked but it would just look incongruent on me now.
Most people do dress badly. Lmao. And I'm one of 'em
But I think it is worth standing out if you can be more confident and happy with the way you look, and you may find that you don’t mind standing out after a while
I think I need a little more edge.
I'm a jacked metal guy dressing like a grandma in all my cardigans.
That's why people are saying I'm incongruent I think
Yeah I think dress shirts are the wrong direction for you
a little ambiguity could be fun tbh
Do you have any outfits with t shirts or other tops you like in the channels here?
You can do both fwiw
Okay. So this is bad? Genuinely asking.
what about metal shirt with cardigan though
https://discord.com/channels/1116793467654381685/1116800072093532191/1212362222735593472
If the bassist looks like this you're about to die in that mosh pit.
I've seen stuffed animals with more edge than that fit
Yes I would not call that fashionable
Okay. So is there a big difference between fashionable and looking 'good'
Like it's bad? Or just not great?
Well, I don’t think it looks good either
Whether something looks good mostly depends on the audience
it looks boring and safe
And that will look good to middle management office drones in a midsized US city
Not metal but didn't Kurt Cobain wear a mohair cardigan
I should make clear that I can't stand "punk" or "metal" attire
Music isn't a uniform. I'm a bit of a purist that way.
You might like some stuff from EdgyAlbert on Instagram. He's more of a workwear/ivy spin than what I think you want but he's jacked af and certainly has some fits that at least have more edge than what it seems you've been looking at
Okay yeah don’t try and dress a way you don’t like
Just for the sake of people being able to “read” you more easily
My personal philosophy is that you should dress in a way that feels “you” whether it’s aspirational or current or changes day to day
Not. Bad.
I think you can make any aesthetic direction fashionable, some are just harder than others the more out of vogue they are
He has plenty of "softer" outfits but it's still vibes dressing and I think his approach is useful either way
https://www.instagram.com/p/C1csHe8P-wi/?img_index=1
Some of his stuff is great. Especially the winter wear.
hell yeah
I've got like 40 pounds on him, though. Not sure if fits would be comparable.
How do you feel about these?
Typical next steps is to collect some inspiration either by saving the pics on your phone or I just save them to a collection on IG bc that's the only place I really browse. Once you have some stuff saved you can go back thru and find themes or just try to mimic what you've collected
I think fundamentally, being muscular as a man is not considered fashionable right now.
A little on the formal side but Scott Fraser collection tops often are modeled by men with bigger arms and chests
Viscerally negative reaction to those high-waisted pants tbh.
I disgree. I think it's a fantastic time to be a muscular dude into fashion rn. Certainly better than 10 years ago when fits were really slim
Another Instagram profile you can could check out is this one
https://www.instagram.com/willhalbert?igsh=MTNlZzVkdm1zbWwzOQ==
Will Halbert (@willhalbert) • Instagram photos and videos
99K Followers, 4,614 Following, 1,650 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from Will Halbert (@willhalbert)
Maybe look for some pictures of Jeremy Allen White
Ah, see. I was skinny 10 years ago about equally as fashion ignorant.
another guy who is decently muscular
He’s pretty built from being in Iron Claw and people love how he dresses
It's mostly a game of just working with and learning your body. Even wildly different body types can wear similar outfits. The vibes might end up different but your body doesn't really exclude you from fashion choices
For sure. Definitely obscures my already limited ability to imagine myself in a similar outfit though
You really just gotta try. #styling-suggestions and #questions-and-advice are great resources. The main thing Albert would have to deal with if he suddenly put on 40lbs is adjusting sizing. He could still have the same style and vibes
This one is in the same vein as edgy Albert
I feel like this looks good because he's setting a trend, not following one.
That’s just in your head
He’s extremely on trend, mohair cardigans have been very popular for the last 18 months at least
If you want to get really specific he's kinda at the peak of mainstream fashion rn. Especially as a celebrity. idt he's blazing any trails
Wait wait wait
okay
I have a prompt
I could go to abercrombie at my mall rn and put together a fit like that
Is there a way to dress borderline medieval fantasy and still be fashionable
Do you have an example?
Not really tbh
Sometimes FB will feed me some wish-tier shirt that resembles a tunic
Balenciaga has done multiple armor based pieces in the last few years
I just want something that screams to ladies that I will make their enemies my enemies and counquer the world in their name
why is it so hard
Maybe i'll just get really into pelts
This is a womenswear example but just for the sake of proving the point
Is this bad?
Not particularly, I think this is a coherent and cohesive look, it’s not trendy but it’s not bad
I agree with bishop, jeans are slimmer than what's in just now but it doesn't look bad
It’s a look that would be much more popular a decade ago, but it’s not something that’s not working
I really like the boot and pant fit
I wouldn't need them so slim as long as they stopped at the right part before the boot
I think if you give some more regular fitting clothing a try you’ll realize it’s not quite as bad for you as you might think it would be. I used to have a similar outlook - I wanted to wear slim stuff but was never happy with how it looked on me, but also thought wider stuff would be weird or unusual. Once I finally tried a pair of wider pants I realized how much less they highlighted parts of me I wasn’t happy with - they didn’t catch on anything or bunch up in weird ways and that really helped me be more confident and come to terms with the shape of my body
As the guy in this outfit, I’ll say upfront that I’m actually pretty insecure about how my legs look in pants this slim. They bunch up at my knees and I have to pull them down my calves, which bothers me and combined with the material makes them some of the most impractical pants I own. I don't think clothing that fits like this is a good idea if you aren't happy with your body image
Appreciate the response. It's interesting to hear that it's not something you're totally comfortable in.
I don't know if I would need pants to necessarily be just like that, but I like that I can determine the shape of your lower body. I see a person, not just clothes in the way.
I have pretty wide hips and waist for a dude, and not particularly broad shoulders. I think that maybe my aversion to wide pants is stemming from an attempt to hide that
i find slim pants to be limiting in terms of the silhouettes i could have
How do you feel about the fits of these different jeans
Bottom left is alright but I don't like the tucked shirt look
I’m just trying to nail down your preferences for jeans
Top right looks so weird to me. Like I think it's aesthetically the best and seems fashionable. But at the same time, that guys actual waist cleary sits like 4 inches below where his jeans suggest they do.
Those are all pics of bishop FYI
lol dw it’s fine beans haha
Am I wrong though? Don't those jeans sit really high compared to where your waist is? Maybe that's the point?
I think you are misusing the word waist there
Maybe
Your waist is above your hip bones
Men’s pants for a long time were designed to be worn at the hip instead of the waist
But for an even longer time before that, they were worn at the true waist
I feel like if I wore top right, people I don't know would consider me fashionable and the people I already know would ask me what the fuck am I doing
Like that shirt looks great in the sleeves on you
But on me I think it would look douchey
Pants worn at the true waist have come back in a major way
Can you tell me where you would wear these outfits?
I wear way crazier outfits than these just everywhere in my daily life
What's the rise on top right out of curiosity?
I don’t really deal with people laughing at my outfits so I can’t relate to that problem
If I have one piece of advice for you it's try to harness the energy you have in this comment. I can identify with the fear of standing out with my clothes due to my own mental health history, but i've found it very freeing trying to take more risks with how I dress. Yes, I sometimes I get funny looks or mean comments but you'll never please everyone with any outfit. Like other people have said, if someone is shitty to you because of how you dress that is a them problem.
If I were picking a middle of the road denim, I'd try for slightly higher than modern Levi's 501s i think
10 inches
I unironically wore this to a rehearsal to troll my bandmates when they were busting my balls
Oh that's not a high rise
I've been tempted to just go full himbo
Please do
I do not own those abs btw lmao
I mean modern 501s are 11.25" from what I remember but inconsistent/vanity sizing makes them sit a bit lower usually I think
And those are very middle of the road jeans (albeit I think too slim at this point)
I'm in my early 30s. I work as an industrial electrician and play technical metal. I mean, to be entirely honest, people don't really laugh at me. Not to my face, anyway. But there really aren't a lot of places where I live where I could wear something like this and not get into a fight.
The more I look at top right the more I'm wondering if I'm just warped. Wish I had something equivalent to try out a similar look
I work as a carpenter and I’m 30 haha
I’ve worn those jeans to work tons of times
It’s hard to get over fears about judgement but you should try out something similar if you can, baby steps
Try it on, wear at home, wear out
The way to know is to go out wearing it 😈
And then your fears will dissipate or you'll get in a fight lol
It's a hick city out here
The problem you perceive is that the jeans are too loose?
Otherwise it’s just a t shirt and boots
So, given your proportions, they don't look particularly loose
But if I wanted the same look, I'd have to size up quite a bit
So then the size of the damned fit would completely dwarf the boot
I think this look is more achievable than you think, it’s just about getting the right cut
I doubt your ankles are particularly massive, you just need a pair that is cut well
Hey man i also deal with significant body dysmorphia and i went through a similar struggle when beginning to get into fashion. I think its important to try and separate the ideas of how clothes make your body look and how clothes look on your body. It seem like you are more focused on how the clothes make your body look but this will make it difficult to compose an outfit where the clothes actually look good.
That's a pretty good distinction.
Is both possible
Yes
or do I need to just dial down to 10% body fat lmao
No there’s no body fat percentage requirement for looking good I promise you
definitely not
I wanted to say this but I was struggling with putting together the words
Thank you!
Unless they are giving you medical advice in their professional capacity as an MD, nobody has the right to tell you how much body fat you should have.
fwiw your body looks perfectly fine in the pics you did send, you're probably already ahead of most people in terms of body fat
Okay, I was looking into himbo fashion and found an example of some sporty pants I think I like
My brother wears these. I feel like I could build something around them for certain outings
These are the exception for pants for me. Denim needs to be slim but I think these pants look great
I think where you maybe need to start is find a middle ground between these two lines of thinking and keep your choices simple. Below is an a fit pic example from Soup who has a similar build to you. You can see his shirt fits well here and can show off his build without being skin tight. The mid rise pants sit probably right around his true waist but wont feel supppper high proportionally.
Cheers. I think that fitness has become a bit of a crutch for me though
So this strikes me as an example of his body serving to make the clothes look great instead of the other way around
Is that what I'm missing? Am I trying to appeal to the completely wrong thing
Its less that the clothes look good because of his build and more that he has chosen garments and sized them appropriately to look good on his build if that makes sense.
Here is a similarish outfit worn by me but i’m 5’9” 225. My body is certainly not pulling the weight of making this fit look good, its all about fit and proportions
The thing you have to remember is that fit is relative!
Digs looks great, the clothes fit well, the proportions are great, the colors work well
The pieces fit similarly to the other outfit above despite any differences in build because they’re cut differently
You can achieve the same looks regardless of your body shape
oh hey i've done like,, this exact fit before by just cinching cargo pants so they sit above boots
You
You're perfect
Do you have other examples?
it's a rly fun look and a super achievable way to show some tummy if ur conscious about it like i am
hmm,, i'm not sure if i have any that are as casual as this one
We both have the same length wavy hair. I think seeing you in some stuff might give me some inspiration
I would 100% wear this and be perfectly comfortable. First example I've seen I think where I feel that way
https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/222431614699962368/899319135023005746/DSC_2208_cropped_resized.jpg?ex=662531b6&is=6612bcb6&hm=11103d1423e67b89d23d44825cbea0e29baa4286b99f854d2a8ca74f314cad44&
this is certainly more experimental but has the same cargo pants and similar boots. yuge sweater off the shoulder is another way to achieve himbo vibe
this one was from like uhhh 2.5 yrs ago LOL
The tank underneath makes a huge difference I feel from just bare shoulder
or is that just the strap
yeah that's a tank under there (and also the bag strap, it was actually an intentional fuss for the photo haha)
Where do you even find stuff like this
all of this stuff (save the sweater) was thrifted, but i'm lucky to wear a pretty accessible size
for what it's worth, i also tend to dress in ways that you have described earlier as being particularly unfashionable in your eyes—wide denim, tucked shirts, high waists, etc. often at the same time: https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1116800072093532191/1205550244549500988/2D0CBEFC-5D96-46BE-92C7-E0FF9E9A3BED_1_102_o.jpeg?ex=662bd5a8&is=661960a8&hm=dea18c0ff7c6880913df8b41ecadb0d0367e1fa6eaa05d80d9b3c64ece2032df& https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1116800072093532191/1142312914443845632/IMG_4223.jpg?ex=662c7dcd&is=661a08cd&hm=47f794448f8cf63cfa736f893d4097e59f4feca80f025d921f1cad836361ad90& https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1116800072093532191/1183838742612562070/5F6B46FD-7045-4C69-B6F1-72C20D534CF5_1_105_c.jpeg?ex=6626ad3e&is=6614383e&hm=c804d4aca3df2c308de6b8eee895d08ae39e01bde149702c5b248c90a2174a57&
i think it's worth specifically looking for styling that you particularly connect with as opposed to individual garments
i get the impression that unconventional styling is your vibe!
This minus the heels is dope
the third one?
Yeah
great! another super achievable look
I think the hair is helping me relate
it certainly got easier to style some stuff once i grew it out
@Reoreyh i aint reading all this but I have similar problems to you (physically, can't speak to the mental side of it). I have been on a quest for months now to get pants that fit, and I just dropped what will hopefully be the final batch off for tailoring yesterday. This message sums up the results https://discord.com/channels/1116793467654381685/1224083333739188376/1228783589756375182 but I will be happy to get into more detail if you're interested.
My best advice for you: if you are a muscular guy, you will not be able to get clothes that fit without tailoring. Every piece of clothing you buy besides socks, underwear, and stretchy undershirts will have to be tailored. I know it's very inconvenient and expensive, but the sooner you can just accept that, the easier your life will be. Find a tailor who makes an effort to understand you, knows what they're doing, and has a place that's clean, organized, and professional. Buy pants that are too big on the waist but fit the thighs, and buy shirts that are too big on the belly but fit your chest and shoulders. Then get them tailored and you'll look and feel amazing every time.
Fit is arguably as or more important than the actual clothes in terms of how good you look and feel wearing them
This is bad advice, you're brand new to the server and I'd recommend hanging out and learning more before trying to share misleading advice like this
i have been here since july
I mean of course there are occasional exceptions from brands with unusual fits, but in general
You're welcome to dismantle his reasoning. I'm definitely fashion ignorant but from what I've gathered so far is that I'm sizing too small.
^this
Believe me, I want to be wrong very much, because I have spent ungodly amounts of money and time on this approach and would rather not keep doing do
If I size up, I feel like it's too big. My first instinct was to size up and see a tailor for the parts I didn't think fit.
You do not need to tailor everything that is ridiculous. Just buy clothes that aren't tight on you
You haven't shown us what an L looks like, I'm pretty sure that's your size
For most people, yes
For guys with big muscles, doing this literally results in pants that fall down
Elastic waists, belts, relaxed fits
Yeah this. 32 is tight and 34 is way too big. A belt causes the waist to get those scrunched up waves.
exactly
Wear less tight 32s
This isn't hard it's that simple
Sorry but toaster is wrong
This is just false, I'm plenty muscular and the only tailoring I do is cause I'm short
skill issue
if you need everything to fit like a sausage casing you need to tailor it, but that looks bad and it is really not hard to find clothes that fit well enough rn
maybe its just genetics then idk, my brother has the same problem and he just always wears sweats
But I've tried all the relaxed and loose and stretch and this that and the other thing and it's an uphill battle
sounds like a sizing issue
clothes should be comfy
Agreed. But that's not exactly the issue at hand. I've fallen into that sausage casing trap before
i mean rn is the best time trendwise to be muscular and into fashion
straight up
its so easy to find clothes that fit well and look good
I’m not a big gym guy but smiles is fucking massive and wears clothes that fit well and look good so listen to that guy
like obviously you do need a tailor sometimes
There should be about 0.5 to 1 inch of material pinchable (or 1-2 inches if you're going to count both sides of the pant leg) of pinch on the thigh on pants that fit. And stretch is great but shouldn't be relied on to make it fit cause that's how u get the sausage casing look. Similar concept for sleeves and biceps, if you flex it shouldn't be stretching
Dawg actually stop
I KNEW IT
I KNEW YOU WANTED YOUR CLOTHES TO FIT LIKE A SAUSAGE CASING
WAIT NO SHOULDN'T
GENUINE TYPO LMAO
Ideal fit
i wish
my life would be so much easier
its just false
fashion is not prescriptive like that and you are sizing wrong
straight up
I don't mean to like, insult any of you, this has just genuinely been my experience as someone who doesn't want to look like a sausage
like smiles if you post links to stuff that fits you stock and it also ends up fitting me I'll love you forever
like obviously if you are roiding out fashion is extremely hard but the vast majority of people are not roid monsters to be clear
I kinda feel like
I'm 200 @ 16-17% bf.
we're getting off the original point of the thread
6'0
I mean i just, don't have an issue? I look for baggy fits rn and it fits well, I wear large or extra larges
specifically whose thread it is
like its just
you are sizing wrong its not a brand thing its a cut thing
i agree
Smiles how big are you
Here's metcarfre who places at powerlifting meets and shit. He doesn't tailor this stuff
like ya, met is straight up a monster
his lifts are insane
you can also legit just look my fits up too, 99% of my tailoring is shortening sleeves or getting pants hemmed
oh right tru dat
I'm jacked and tan and don't tailor anything
I mostly just lurk, I'm not so much here cause I'm "into" fashion, I just want to learn so I can look good
Why are you giving advice if you’re not into fashion dawg
Cause I have clothes that fit
knowledge out of requirement =/= passion
"fit"
I’m being kinda harsh but you explicitly didnt read the thread, self proclaimed are not into fashion, and haven’t posted any outfits so whether your stuff fits you well is a mystery
I can see that you're huge 😳 but it seems like you really are going for baggy pants as like your vibe. What do you do for chinos?
I would not call your physique jacked or liken it to mine.
I don't discount your advice because of it, but our fits would be different for sure.
alright
@toasterhacker9001
Rej is being facetious if you can’t tell from the fact that you’d also be hard-pressed to call him tan
please start your own thread if you have questions
Oh. lmao
My first instinct after the initial response from here was to size up and tailor anything I really didn't like
Just try on a size L shirt and show us, nobody can really give you good advice until we see what it looks like
Yeah. I genuinely don't have one. I'll have to come back with a pic
At 6', 200 lb, you're a large to an XL. Idk how to break it to you bud
Just as a general rule (hah) you can discount advice people give that is rules based
There’s no “should be x inches of give”
But I'm lean. Body composition is gonna matter.
Fit is about what you want to convey not about any specific numbers like that
Let’s not worry about x or y number because as you know, they don’t actually translate to how something will look on you
You just have to put shit on
A 200 lb man at 30% body fat is going to take up more space volumetrically than one at 15%, right?
It’s more work and it takes more time but it’s just the actual only way to do this
Feed this to your therapist. Brands will have size charts. At your height/weight, you're probably a 34 waist, 42-44 chest.
It doesn’t matter
Literally makes no difference to you or how your clothes fit
Maybe chill with the therapist comments little man.
You just have to put shit on and see
Yeah this tracks.
It takes time, it takes effort and we can help when you get stuff
this fr
but composition matters a lot
You need to chill
I’m going to time you out if you make one more comment about bodies
Wat
Not you
Dude just made a jab about mental health
I havent been called little in a minute :3
Toaster has toed too many lines already
My measurements are pretty different from yours but I can give you a few points of advice as someone that’s struggled (struggles) with body image issues and eating disorders and also has an atypical build- just try shit on- different brands will fit different sizes different ways, sizing is very far from monotlithic. Eventually I found clothes that fit and I felt good in and it was a process of trial and error with a little bit of research, and I’m glad with where I ended up. There’s not a single way that clothes fit that will make you feel good, and there’s not a single size that will always fit in the same way either
Just try stuff on and if you see stuff that looks good follow it and see where it takes you
I agree that we shouldn’t just be throwing therapy at people as a talking point
For the record reo
And don’t focus your body too much as a component to the whole process- it can be really damaging to think of your body as being ‘wrong’ rather than the clothes fitting ‘wrong’ and abandoning that mindset was a big step for me
Makes the process so much more difficult and emotionally fraught than it has to be
Someone earlier made the distinction between wearing clothes to enhance your body versus having your body enhance your clothes. Clothes being the thing to show off, which is definitely not the way I was approaching fashion before today
That kinda blew my mind a bit.
Yeah- hang onto that because that’s a huge deal as far as finding an approach that not only looks good but more importantly feels good
Oh God. I just realized what I've been doing.
Oh no
I'm the fashion equivalent of the guy who learned to play acoustic guitar to impress women around a campfire
Not picking clothes for the sake of the fit and the clothes themselves
A little bit yes, but don’t take it too hard, there are a lot of people that do this
I think that's why I don't see outfits the same way as the others do here
That definitely makes sense
I will note that your taste in clothing will not change overnight upon realizing this
But stick around here, try clothes on, play around with bolts of fabric- do whatever you need to to rebuild that relationship, because clothing that makes you feel good and feel confident can be a huge plus in working through body dysmorphia, and I’d encourage you to find clothes that make you feel good
Obviously everyone’s personal experience is different, but I feel night and day about getting dressed in the morning to the way that I did a few years ago even though my build is pretty much the same
Seems like a pretty fine line between doing it as a form of expression but still attempting to elicit a desired response from others, no?
I want to be perceived a certain way that I am currently not. Is fashion the appropriate vessel?
Or is "bad" fashion and avoiding it a better way of phrasing it
I think that for me it’s more about that I am trying to do something compositionally for myself and hoping that it ‘reads’ to other people
Which is maybe just semantics but feels like an important difference
Feeling well-dressed, fashionable, etc comes from within for the most part
If you want to be perceived as caring about the way you dress, that’s going to come from caring about the way you dress, not caring about if other people think you’re well-dressed
To be specific, I'm here because I believe I'm doing something so catastrophically wrong that it's hampering the impressions I make on people.
Okay
I understand better
I think looking for clothes that fit (and there are a lot of people here that are very knowledgeable about how clothes should fit that have given some good direction on that) could be a good step one
In particular that you should probably be looking for a larger sticker size, and maybe for brands that match your build
I think this is me atm
Yes
Delicious meat in a way too tight casing
Trying to put a large/xlarge body into medium/small clothing has that effect
So I think that would be a good step one
I don’t want to make you feel like getting super into fashion is the only way to resolve your relationship with clothing, I’m only offering that it helped for me, and it seems like right now what you’re looking for is more in the area of building a foundation/ making basic improvements
Which is good, and hopefully feels better, and can both either lead you into fashion or not
I’ve used this metaphor a lot but I think it’s a good one. Think of fashion as a language, you already know that it’s a form of communication. Learning a language takes time, you can read about it and try to learn by memorizing, but by far the best way to learn is to immerse yourself, go out and put clothing on, when you go out pay attention to what people are wearing, think about what it makes you think, what are they communicating, put on outfits and show them to people who will tell you honestly what that outfit communicates, take those steps and you will get better at speaking the language, and eventually you will be able to say exactly what you want to say
Dude I just checked out some of the photos you've posted and I'd legit wear 90% of that
Like that is a perfect middle ground I think. Nothing strikes me as baggy
I'd wear your denim+boots on stage
Appreciate that
Just like music production tbh. I think maybe I've been looking too much at people's bodies/frames instead of the outfits
:) so happy to hear you see that
Definitely a projection
It will help so much
This is a great thought as well
Fashion really is just about the clothes
@Reoreyh I need to go to sleep, so I’m going to turn in for the night, but I think put some thought into what you want to get out of fashion/the messages you are trying to form with this language/ what the messages you get from the outfits you like are
Yeah will do. Thanks for the chat. I'll definitely have some questions for you about jeans.
Maybe even scroll though the earlier parts of the thread with your new perspective-before that toaster guy chimes in, you get feedback from people like Bishop, Digs, GSH and a few other regs in this server who are absolute gold mines of information and asked some good clarifying questions/gave some good answers
Have a good night, and feel free to message/@ me with any questions you have
I know other people have mentioned the fact that a L is different in different brands, and just to echo that. For me as somebody who has sometimes struggled with body image, moving from 'i dont fit this' to 'this cut doesnt work for me' was helpful in reframing stuff.
Also it can take a while to get used to wearing things that are wider, or differently cut to what you are used to, and thats very common. I mention it as it was a blocker for me in trying new things. Sometimes I had to sit with the weirdness, and then it turned out it was fine/I grew to like how it looked
right
as someone who also struggled with body image (going through the 2000s and 2010s obese when the trend was wearing pants tight enough to get UTIs was not fun) and also societal expectations of dress (black in america conveyed a particular manner of dress in the 2000s and 2010s that i really did not think fit me) the hardest thing for me was accepting that the clothes are just clothes and that i may be putting a lot more energy and weight and meaning to them that they've earned
from your comments i'd agree with your original assessment that there's a sort of disconnect between your perceived physical needs for fashion and your motivators for clothes (wanting to appear like someone you don't mess with, wanting to sometimes fuck around with people) and it seems like a lot of your struggle is that you're trying to reconcile these in that order.
i would try to flip that though - really nail down what you want to look like or present as and then see what clothes (not even brands, what clothes specifically get you to that point).
doesn't teach you to develop a visualization for outfits independently and only tailors to a limited range of styles
the advice is being given about one specific type of fit, when there are several different ways for clothes to fit given the OPs potential needs for clothes (both in the physical and the emotional sense) and when those values may not actually be viable for OP physically
or it's more like it's a hinderance if there's more readily avaiable advice within the setting of the server
also to your point @RogueUmbra i agree that OP should figure out inspiration first, even if it ultimately leads to something that toaster suggested, but toaster's response alone does not inform that perspective (and is apparently not based on reading the thread in general which seems counterintuitive to giving good advce), whereas the people criticizing it previously offered insights or guidance or personal experience that did
Did you read further down the thread? I feel like bishop already perfectly summarized why such prescriptive measurement advice was not useful
on the topic of dressing for body type this thread happened a while ago (it is now locked and for a reason) https://discord.com/channels/1116793467654381685/1211324235897638963 and that served as partial inspiration for these in #waywt which i think are worth reading https://discord.com/channels/1116793467654381685/1116800072093532191/1211448529243869285 https://discord.com/channels/1116793467654381685/1116800072093532191/1211686025324269598
Those are two really great examples for this thread
Sweet. Let's leave it there until OP has had a chance to read and reply to their own thread, feels like it's getting derailed a bit again
https://discord.com/channels/1116793467654381685/1228819227658424372/1229036699112439940 this covers it; giving specific numbers may be unneccesarily limiting. as everyone has said i think OP's gotta digest this
Just one last thing about why it’s so important to shut down prescriptive advice like specific measurements that will supposedly flatter most bodies. If someone tries out clothing based on that advice, and it doesn’t look right for them, you can really easily imagine that they will assume that it’s their body that is “wrong” and not the clothing. When something looks bad on someone it is ALWAYS the clothing
It is never your body’s fault
This has become a far more enlightening thread than I could have hoped for. I'd go as far as to say that you've helped me realize I have a bit of a lens that I've been viewing clothes (and people) through.
The big takeaway for me so far is that I'm trying to advertise my body and not the clothes.
This is so gud
it really is
and for what it's worth that lesson can be a difficult one to learn especially depending on your environment or circumstances
the fact you're open to it (even if it leads down your original path) is likely what will allow you to make the most meaningful choice for yourself, whatever that is
I'll add to the chorus of dudes with a history of body dysmorphia: getting into clothes saved my self-esteem. In high school I was swimming multiple km/day and literally eating lentils and egg whites to reduce bf% to achieve the skinny indie guy look of the early 2010s and I hated myself. I got down to 145lb at 6'1 and I still held bf% in unflattering places.
15 years of a fashion hobby later, I think I look great and I have a ton of positive social reactions to pull from whenever body-shaming insults from my HS swim team come to mind. But more importantly, I love how I look.
I'm now currently definitely out of shape (for what I want my body to look like) but embracing wider fits and accepting that my body isn't gonna look exactly how I wanted back then unless I put in a truly stupid amount of effort has freed me.
it's extremely unhelpful when put this plainly, but confidence only comes from true confidence in yourself. Be patient with yourself, try new things, and find what you like!
After having slept on the convo last night: I think the reason this was considered bad advice is the context.
I'm a pretty objective/analytical guy, and I have a lean and muscular body that I'm comfortable in. So I projected that mindset onto the original post and interpreted it as "please help me find clothes that fit, I'm struggling with my body image because I can't". To me, clothes that "fit" have some room to move, but are still pretty close to the body. Not baggy, not sausage casing. I'm mostly interested in clothes that present a cohesive, professional image, since I'm mostly dressing for my slightly-below-business-casual tech job. I don't really do the "expression" type fashion, of wearing baggy clothes, tight clothes, statement pieces, etc. Nothing wrong with that and I can appreciate a good fit, it's just not my hobby
It seems like most of the other members interpreted the question as more "I don't feel good in the clothes I'm wearing, help me mentally reframe this so I can recognize a good fashionable fit". More of a mental question than a physical question. So a lot of the responses focused on how fit is subjective and baggy clothes can absolutely be fashionable. the server is malefashionadvice, after all
And then I showed up, didn't read the backlog, and with that context, my advice came off as "your body isn't the right shape, you need to tailor your clothes to compensate".
So I should have read the room better, sorry 😅
Muscular guys absolutely can wear baggy clothes without tailoring and look good in them. But I still stand by my opinion of, if you want a standard, neutral, businessy fit, it's really hard to achieve without alterations. Again, we're not talking hanging out with friends or hitting the club, we're talking going into the office. Also again, if anyone wants to prove me wrong, I will be forever grateful
i don't entirely disagree with the conjecture you've posed and while i would counter it i'd also question whether a neutral business fit serves the purposes of OP
Yeah that's the important question
What are they going for
Oh, knowing what to wear when is an entirely different topic I'm sure will also spawn 500 replies
If they just want a style that they can achieve easily and look good in, baggy and problem solved
gm
that broader question is probably better served by a new topic in #fashion-discussion
@toasterhacker9001 I would avoid saying stuff like this during civil discussions as it implies that everyone else is ‘emotional’ or their reasoning is otherwise unsound, when the actuality is that we have a lot of knowledgeable people chiming in with good advice and also you telling people to tailor their underwear
Sorry never mind jot your underwear or socks but everything else
I misremembered
fair
but please don't tailor your underwear
We can agree on that one
The birth of a meme
"standard, neutral, businessy" is a crazy rhetorical shift
OP doesn't work in an office anyway...
whoever said I should have read the backlog was the person with the most valid criticism
And even if he did it'd be bad advice :xd:
I think you received a lot of valid criticism from a lot of knowledgeable people, and that was one of them
Not saying that in a mean way
But don’t discount the other stuff you heard from people more knowledgeable than you and if you are doing that maybe introspect on why
hey, we're locking this thread because we feel that it has run its course. OP, please feel free to make a new thread when you're ready for more advice 🙂