Balmoral Boots vs Oxfords for wedding?
I am the officiant for a friend's wedding and I am looking to get some nicer shoes or boots to go with it. Currently all my boots are more casual (and all Thursday Boots) so I am trying to mix it up and get something a bit more formal for such occasions. Was wondering what everyone here thought about getting a pair of Balmoral Boots instead of Oxfords for footwear? I like the slightly less formal appearance of Boots, but don't know if I would just end up looking silly in dress pants/waistcoat.
25 Replies
It's a wedding, you're officiating, and you have dress pants and waistcoat. Is slightly less formal the right move?
What is the formality of the wedding?
Most important question is what do the bride and groom want?
When i worked in mtm most of the couples i worked with had a very specific head to toe idea on the look of their party
Being the officiant you may not be included in that but you definitely could be
Budget, location of wedding (plus venue type)
local venue, fairly low budget all things considered. The only thing I was told was "no jeans or band tees" and "something nice"
I guess my bigger question is, how much less formal are a nice pair of cap-toed balmoral or derby boots as opposed to classic oxford shoes
the rest of your outfit is waistcoast, dress shirt, and dress pants (no jacket)?
Correct, no jacket
Light gray shirt, dark gray pants and waistcoat, quartz bowtie
is there a reason you're not wearing a jacket
to differentiate me from the groomsmen, who will have jackets
nope
don't do this
The general rule for wedding attire for men is: do not out-formal the groom (noticeably) or otherwise do something so flashy it takes away from them.
In practice, that means, if the groom is wearing a suit, don't wear a tux. Also, don't wear some neon green monstrosity.
However, a wedding is generally fairly formal. At the very least, it is fairly formal versus the daily wear of the people involved. Most people won't dress less formally for a wedding than they do usually, but rather dress more so. Right?
So if the groom is wearing a suit (or at least trousers and odd jacket), as the officiant, it is in no way taking away from the groom to also wear a jacket. There is no need to differentiate yourself from the groom because people will know you are not the groom. Western menswear attire expectations for weddings are not the same as for women: it is in fact 100% fine to wear the same exact outfit as the groom, even if it is literally the same cloth. Women are much more particular about white dresses, bridal party dresses, etc; menswear in western weddings is much like menswear in western culture in general in that formalwear is a bit of a uniform.
(If anyone there does not know who the groom is, then why are they present?)
So, that's part 1: match the formality level of the groom, or go just below it. Don't go wildly below it if you are part of the ceremony, which you are, as a general rule. A guest can get away with that, or not, depending on the culture and context, basically, but you will look like you're missing something if you have a significant formality mismatch.
Part 2 is, wearing trousers and a vest but no jacket is a ... difficult move to make, while looking good. Yes it is possible. But most people who attempt this fail miserably.
There's a long (and fairly insulting) context of having 'the hired help' at formal events be dressed formally, yet obviously incorrectly in some fashion -- very much a class thing. Like it or not, its modern day result is that there is a faux pas in which a guest looks like 'the hired help.' This is a long way to say that if you do this, you'll look like a waiter and not an officiant, and that's really not an insult to the people who are waiters (at least not from me), but it absolutely indicates that you aren't dressed properly for the occasion given the context of what proper dress is.
What you've listed here is basically a bunch of different elements of clothing thrown together into a bucket. Light gray shirt, dark gray pants, (dark gray?) waistcoat, quartz bowtie (whatever a quartz bowtie is), and black balmoral boots? I'm not seeing it.
I am not trying to bully you out of your choices but I am skeptical you can put this together and look as good as you would if you chose a very classical, safe approach.
If you own dark gray pants and waistcoat, would it be correct to assume you own a dark gray suit? Just wear a two-piece dark gray suit. Wear a white shirt. Wear a long tie, pretty much anything conservative is fine, and a lot of bold/loud options are also fine. Wear black oxfords (shoes, not boots), probably plain captoe. You'll look great.
A lot of un-traditional choices can work, but to make them work you need a good eye, and to have a good eye you either need inborn talent or a lot of practice (or both), and a wedding isn't the right place to get that practice in. Safe is the way to go unless you know how to break rules.
this is why people like me need reddit lol, this is so much good information and I need people to tell me when I am doing something (potentially and most-likely) dumb.
:)
I was definitely afraid about looking to waiter-ey without a jacket, so I'll likely swap out the waist coat for a more regular jacket. Would something more simple work, grey pants/sportcoat (if I am thinking of the right jacket name), simple button down white or grey, bow tie and boots/shoes
Well, let me start with this. What do you own? I assume your goal is to spend less money and buy less stuff. What trousers, what jackets, what dress shirts, what ties, and what shoes?
Probably just the button down. Kind of went in thinking that I would use the shoes forever (been looking at some GYW options). Same with the pants. Might cheap out on the jacket if I can find something decent, since I'd only be wearing it for the ceremony itself
Do you own a white dress shirt? (Button down means a collar that buttons down to the shirt. A button-up or button-front shirt means a shirt with, well, buttons on the front. Dress shirts are button-up shirts.)
TIL there is a difference
I have a white button down shirt where the collar buttons down to the shirt
Neat. That will do. Are the trousers wool? Are they cut generously enough to fit over boots?
My suggestion would be as follows, to use as much of what you own as possible. Grey trousers. White shirt. Get a navy blazer, you are likely to find one used for a good price. Get it tailored. Get a long tie. A lot of options here. Optionally, get a white linen pocket square, these are cheap. Then you could get black balmoral boots, though I'd prefer black oxfords. Plain with captoe is classic - a bit more formal than the rest of the dress, but passable. I'd personally prefer medallion toe or wingtip but that has its own downsides.
The ones I was looking at were cotton, slim fit that looked like they should fit over boots. I was trying to avoid poyester, but Amazon kept trying to point me back that way
If the wedding suits are grey should I try grey blazer, or look for navy?
Luckily it's not til septmember so I have some time to troll local thrift shops and see what I can find for a jacket
Let's cut out amazon entirely. They hardly sell clothes worth wearing, no tailoring whatsoever worth wearing
Slim fit + fit over boots = ???
There's a million gray wool trousers for sale on ebay and elsewhere for low prices. Second-hand but good condition. If you know your size fairly well, which isn't too hard for trousers, look there. I'd recommend you measure the boots to know for sure what leg opening is required for the trousers. Make sure you add space for movement. Unsure exactly how much. Or, yknow, just get shoes and not boots
The absolute easiest color of blazer is navy, with metal buttons, or in an obvious texture, or both. There are a number of other possibilities but I'll only go into them if you hate navy. You're not trying to match the wedding party (but also not trying to not match them) - your best strategy is a classic, known winning combo.
Perfect. Thank you so much for all the information. I have honestly never thought of eBay for second hand clothing, this opens up a dangerous new world for my wallet lol. I’ll also probably just go with oxfords then (or derby captoe, which I always like the look up) as well. I should probably have a nice pair of dress shoes anyway.
Last question then, any brands I should be on the look out for or avoid? I can mostly tell decent from non-decent in person at thrift shops, but imagine online will be a bit harder
Imo a nice set of Balmoral boots are gonna be fairly indistinguishable at a glance. There are even medallioned ones
Yes, the idea is that especially with half-break trousers, bal boots will look like bal shoes. But, it adds complexity in that you need to make sure the trousers fit over the boots well. Not even remotely insurmountable but ... I just think a standard oxford or derby is an easier bet and OP already owns a number of boots ;) but maybe my thinking is backwards, clearly if OP loves boots, then bal boots are the way to go. Overall, not concerned about that as long as they look the part.
Derby captoe is totally fine. Just, you know. Go for a super classic look. For example, a shape like
https://www.theshoemart.com/alden-mens-2160-straight-tip-blucher-color-8-shell-cordovan/
or
https://www.theshoemart.com/alden-mens-558-straight-tip-blucher-oxford-black-calfskin/
In other words, no funky shapes. (No fucky shapes, either.) Just straight classic like these.
The Shoe Mart
Alden Men's 2160 - Straight Tip Blucher - Color 8 Shell Cordovan
Find brand name shoes online at The Shoe Mart. We offer Alden Shoes and other top quality brands from dress shoes to athletic wear. Shop for quality brand name shoes online from a store you can trust!
The Shoe Mart
Alden Men's 558 - Straight Tip Blucher Oxford - Black Calfskin
Find brand name shoes online at The Shoe Mart. We offer Alden Shoes and other top quality brands from dress shoes to athletic wear. Shop for quality brand name shoes online from a store you can trust!
As for brands, for shoes... grant stone, allen edmonds, meermin, are classic recommendations. Especially on sale, or factory seconds. There's a world of shoes and the prices go high (the next price range up is stuff like alden, crocket & jones benchmade, etc) and you really don't need those, so focus on the ~$200-300 price point.
For brands for trousers, it's pretty much a free-for-all. Pretty much anyone can make a good formal-enough trouser that fits decently. The question is of style - slim, classic, wide, first and foremost, but other bits too are important (rise, break, etc, though break usually can be adjusted since you can shorten the pants, or usually let them out an inch or two assuming the previous person who hemmed them wasn't an animal about it.)
What's worked for me for trousers... lots of stuff, really. Zegna, Vestimenta, Spier & Mackay, Ralph Lauren (Polo, Ralph, and Lauren, but there's a lot more than that), Oxxford, Orvis, Mabitex, J Crew, J Press (not at all the same brand), Boglioli (very slim), and Asos.
For a navy blazer, again, almost infinite makers. I'd look first at the most popular ones because they make decent stuff that often ends up being sold cheap. Brooks Brothers, Suit Supply, and Spier & Mackay (but if you're buying used, buy the nicest product lines.) Beyond that, just about anyone might make a good navy blazer. In a pinch, you could also take an orphaned navy suit jacket, slap some metal buttons on it, and call it a day ;) not exactly the absolute most fashionable option but it'll work fine, in most cases.
I haven’t read this whole thread but my main advice is to run your options by the bride and groom. Being the officiant you’ll be in lots of photos and lots of IMPORTANT photos so I’d run the options you land on by them as well. Seems like gimp has given a really good rundown as well