I got permabanned for literally nothing

Players claiming a "false ban" are in one of seven categories, ordered here by likelihood:
They are presenting a fictional narrative.
They tested a cheat on a smurf, poisoning their main through hardware linking (known internally as "whoopsie daisies").
They shared their account with someone who cheated, usually a paid boosting service or a relative.
They repeatedly queued with a booster that used cheats and ate a 180 day ban for their trouble.
Their account was stolen by a serial rage hacker, who used it to torture other players for exactly 6 games.
They used cheating software for another game, and Vanguard unfortunately picked it up.
They have malware installed that performs the same operations as a cheat.

Players claiming a "false ban" are in one of seven categories, ordered here by likelihood:
They are presenting a fictional narrative.
They tested a cheat on a smurf, poisoning their main through hardware linking (known internally as "whoopsie daisies").
They shared their account with someone who cheated, usually a paid boosting service or a relative.
They repeatedly queued with a booster that used cheats and ate a 180 day ban for their trouble.
Their account was stolen by a serial rage hacker, who used it to torture other players for exactly 6 games.
They used cheating software for another game, and Vanguard unfortunately picked it up.
They have malware installed that performs the same operations as a cheat.

Players claiming a "false ban" are in one of seven categories, ordered here by likelihood:
They are presenting a fictional narrative.
They tested a cheat on a smurf, poisoning their main through hardware linking (known internally as "whoopsie daisies").
They shared their account with someone who cheated, usually a paid boosting service or a relative.
They repeatedly queued with a booster that used cheats and ate a 180 day ban for their trouble.
Their account was stolen by a serial rage hacker, who used it to torture other players for exactly 6 games.
They used cheating software for another game, and Vanguard unfortunately picked it up.
They have malware installed that performs the same operations as a cheat.

Players claiming a "false ban" are in one of seven categories, ordered here by likelihood:
They are presenting a fictional narrative.
They tested a cheat on a smurf, poisoning their main through hardware linking (known internally as "whoopsie daisies").
They shared their account with someone who cheated, usually a paid boosting service or a relative.
They repeatedly queued with a booster that used cheats and ate a 180 day ban for their trouble.
Their account was stolen by a serial rage hacker, who used it to torture other players for exactly 6 games.
They used cheating software for another game, and Vanguard unfortunately picked it up.
They have malware installed that performs the same operations as a cheat.