Hi. What do i do if the things I like to wear/style arent fashionable?
Hey. i hope this is the right community to ask this. The title isnt too accurate, so ill explain here. basically, the way i prefer to appear (clothes, haircut, beard) is not considered appealing by basically anyone else. im not going around dressed like a clown or something, the opposite. this is less about clothing (althogh it also applies, i like to just wear plain shirts and jeans or something), more about haircut/beard.
I had multiple people tell me i should get a "proper" haircut, with a fade and all that or whatever its called. i absolutly dont want to, i just cut my hair in the most basic way and i would hate to have any kind of fade or haircut that isnt that.
With the beard its even worse, basically everyone tells me to shave or atleast trim the beard (I cant grow a full beard, so i fully understand this), but i refuse to, not because im lazy but because i rather have the beard i have now then trim it or shave, by far.
well, basically, the problem is, am i just doomed to be considered unfashionable or unappealing by everyone? sorry i dont really have a concrete question, im mostly looking for advice.
19 Replies
I feel like we're missing a lot of nuance, but as you've laid it out there are only a few options:
- Give in to what people are saying (bad idea)
- Keep on keepin on and just do you
- Get new friends that aren't mean to you about how you look
complicated. beans succinctly and comprehensively nailed it.
if you want to read more on an adjacent perspective, we sort of talked about this earlier today, which links to other previous conversations starting here https://discord.com/channels/1116793467654381685/1255197478312087672/1257869737795256503
plenty of people throughout history have not had 'conventional' or 'popular' or 'fashionable' hairstyles, facial hair or fashion sense but enjoyed (varying degrees of) social success on the back of their charisma, personality, knowledge, etc
theyre not mean or anything, its just that theyre right that 95% of people find those things unattractive/unfashionable/unappealing
Anecdotally I've worn my hair and facial hair a number of different ways in the last ~15 years.
I largely did what I liked and largely disregarded what others thought.
When I made a big change (significantly growing, cutting, or altering), I did it because I wanted to.
A lot of this will also depend on your specific contexts and goals. Are friends telling you these things or is an issue in the workplace?
just people, my sister told me this too
its not causing issue
If it's not causing any problems thank your sister for her perspective and move on.
If it becomes something you want to work on, ask yourself why you want to make XYZ change then plan a course of action (integrate feedback, disregard feedback, seek additional/new perspectives).
i dont want to change anything, i just wonder if theres anything i can do so people dont find me unattractive because for example i have an unkempt beard
other then change it
What kyn said. I wouldn't blow up your style bc of a few comments, but it could be worth some introspection or just a conversation with your sister about why she says those things
A totally valid result of that is "I don't want to change, thanks for your input"
Brother 95% of people don't find you unattractive I promise you that much.
you can't change people's thoughts though, only your response to them
Focus on developing any combination of
- your fashion sense independently of your hair or facial hair
- exploring your hobbies
- deepening your engagement with your local community
- your social network
- your self-confidence
- your personality (through any of the above)
if you don't want to change then that seems like the most compelling factor to not change
More on context: there can also be a lot of cultural baggage with this stuff. I've definitely had family members comment on my and other family member's style and grooming choices and a lot of the time it's not worthwhile to dwell on
also yeah like the amount of people that any significant tranche of the population find attractive is a fraction of a fraction of a percent
when i stopped trying to dress more 'conventionally' or 'as is popular in my area' and more like I wanted myself to dress I got a lot more comfortable, and the people who don't find this version of me attractive based on aesthetics aren't people I want to share my time and energy with
i've had family members and friends make comments on my choice of dress but the comments subsided as i kept wearing the same stuff and people realized that i wouldn't be changing
alright thank you all for your answers i will take everything into consideration
just want to parrot that this is all great advice
