Is using they/them pronouns disrespectful?
*Unrelated to minecraft
I was having a conversation earlier, and didnt know someone's preferred pronouns and just used they/them.
A third party
(not the person I was talking about) took issue with me using an ambiguous pronoun, and seemed extremely offended.
Typically I try to use ambiguous pronouns unless I absolutely know someone's preferred pronouns out of respect for them and their gender identity, as that seems much more respectful than potentially mis-gendering someone.
So tldr; Is it disrespectful to use they/them as an ambiguous pronoun for someone, assuming they haven't expressed (or you don't know) their preferred pronouns?12 Replies
People will always feel offended regardless of how you do it. What i dont understand is why people need to feel offended for someone else or were they friends with the person you were talking.
From what you've laid out, I wouldn't say its disrespectful.
Pronouns are a useful tool in the English language to not have to repeat someone's name or say something like "that person with x", and making talking fairly awkward. English is great as they/them is neutral and works well for when you don't know someone's gender identity.
I can see where someone'd get somewhat annoyed when you're using they/them for someone who explicitly has something like he/him or she/her, and that individual would politely ask to use the other what they wish. Can't say about a third party, though, nor the extremely offended part unless they've really had a bad day.
At risk of being rude by being an armchair psychologist, perhaps they're projecting themselves onto that person, and then getting offended that way? I can at least sympathize with the notion that getting misgendered by ignoring someone's sets of pronouns by using they/them (heard about this with passing trans women when they come out, with people turning from she/her to they/them).
That said, I believe they didn't account for you not knowing at all, and there wasn't any obvious expressed set of pronouns anywhere (ex. built-in pronouns on Discord, their About Me, or roles). I could see it being somewhat disrespectful if you just didn't check those places, assuming this is of course, on Discord.
“This thing that doesn’t impact me in any way, shape or form between two consenting parties offends me”
They can suck it up
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(no disrespect fr)
usually there's indicators to know if hte person is male, female, or wants other pronouns to be used.
If there's not, i'll say "he" most of the times depending on what community i'm in. but in a community like this i'll likely say "they"
singular they/them has always existed. If your mom said she had a friend called "Gabe" that she just met, you'd ask questions about them as Gabe could be a male or a female
Native English speakers will do this subconciously without even thinking about it
I typically will only use gender specific pronouns if I actually know the person or am speaking with them -- regardless of if I'm aware of their gender
That is an incredibly well written explanation
I understand if people get offended by he/she if they identify as something else. But getting offended by they/them? Wtf man
I don't understand people getting offended by pronouns at all unless someone calls them something else intentionally
this exactly, only if its intentional its bad.
imo
Once someone got mad at my brother because he called them by the wrong name, even though he was reading off the roster.