Can I pull these off? Office and Casual - Part II
Over a two week period. My dear high-functioning Autistic, younger brother literary starved himself into an early grave while I was treating myself on a fancy holiday cruise, and I could have prevented it with a simple phone call to check in on him.
He lost his breath as he struggled to breath, passed out fell and died in the shower between 11 pm and 2 am on the 24th, and was only later found lifeless on the bathroom floor by his neighbour who then called my mom. It was his 36th birthday that day (July 24 1988 - July 24th 2024). He was an artist in the truest sense of the word. His creations were not mere works of skill, but expressions of a deeply felt inner world. He poured his essence into his sculptures, paintings, cartoons and illustrations, each piece a testament to his unique vision and boundless creativity. He illustrated children's books in collaboration with two American authors of some note and was also a cartoonist for a newspaper. Yesterday was his funeral. I feel like a part of me died when he did. There's a bit more backstory, but I guess I am now trying to somehow distract from and bury the deep pain I feel. I made a similar post just about shoes 2 days ago and several lovely people responded @StotheG7 @Salvatore @raisin
I am just wondering if I could pull these ones off with my usual fit - of wide brim fedoras, turtle neck shirt and sweaters, jeans, chino, slim fits etc and Chelsea boots. as seen here. Previous post: https://discord.com/channels/1116793467654381685/1266430153517563944 Shoes: https://www.camper.com/en_DK/men/shoes/pix/camper-pix-K300252-023 If so what could work? I typically don't like or wear black shoes of any kind, but I think I can probably wear these with the prominent cream soles, as they add to it. I am sorry I dumped this here but... I don't feel very good.
He lost his breath as he struggled to breath, passed out fell and died in the shower between 11 pm and 2 am on the 24th, and was only later found lifeless on the bathroom floor by his neighbour who then called my mom. It was his 36th birthday that day (July 24 1988 - July 24th 2024). He was an artist in the truest sense of the word. His creations were not mere works of skill, but expressions of a deeply felt inner world. He poured his essence into his sculptures, paintings, cartoons and illustrations, each piece a testament to his unique vision and boundless creativity. He illustrated children's books in collaboration with two American authors of some note and was also a cartoonist for a newspaper. Yesterday was his funeral. I feel like a part of me died when he did. There's a bit more backstory, but I guess I am now trying to somehow distract from and bury the deep pain I feel. I made a similar post just about shoes 2 days ago and several lovely people responded @StotheG7 @Salvatore @raisin
I am just wondering if I could pull these ones off with my usual fit - of wide brim fedoras, turtle neck shirt and sweaters, jeans, chino, slim fits etc and Chelsea boots. as seen here. Previous post: https://discord.com/channels/1116793467654381685/1266430153517563944 Shoes: https://www.camper.com/en_DK/men/shoes/pix/camper-pix-K300252-023 If so what could work? I typically don't like or wear black shoes of any kind, but I think I can probably wear these with the prominent cream soles, as they add to it. I am sorry I dumped this here but... I don't feel very good.
14 Replies
i am sorry for your loss
I also think these would work better with more technical outfits as suggested in the last thread. For your style I'd recommend something in an earth tone, but you already said you own several pairs of Chelsea boots. If you want to pull off the boots you've linked, I would just suggest expanding your current wardrobe beyond fedoras, turtlenecks, and slim jeans.
if i may say one thing only tangentially related to the question posed, i would perhaps avoid making potentially large purchases like this at this exact moment. i'm not sure of how the grieving process will look for you but i would make sure that this is coming from a place of 'maybe this will enhance my wardrobe or provide me joy' rather than 'this will fill a possible void'
otherwise, what sal said
That's great advice zeo
Thank you, both. @Salvatore @zeometer
That is solid advice. The purchase isn't a large one for me - I am also getting it at 50% off discount with a coupon code Camper gave me. I am usually relatively frugal and utilitarian, but not stingy.
I just wanted to put a bit more colour and vibrancy into my look, something like what my brother would like rather than the more subdued look I usually go for.
I don't think I can now ever look at any work of art and not think of him as it weighs heavily upon my heart... but I thought this way in a little bit I'll at least acquiesce to his attempts to get me to wear more visually contrasting/vibrant colours. The the baby blue cream shoes from earlier, and these. Don't know if I can do the technical look, I am a 37 yo ASIC/FPGA (Chip) Design Engineer - it departs significantly from how I usually look, my colleagues might think I am now suicidal.
I don't think I can now ever look at any work of art and not think of him as it weighs heavily upon my heart... but I thought this way in a little bit I'll at least acquiesce to his attempts to get me to wear more visually contrasting/vibrant colours. The the baby blue cream shoes from earlier, and these. Don't know if I can do the technical look, I am a 37 yo ASIC/FPGA (Chip) Design Engineer - it departs significantly from how I usually look, my colleagues might think I am now suicidal.
i acknowledge the fact that this isn't a large purchase financially but, again, i would take a second and work through the motivation for this
you speak of wanting to do this for your brother, and i think that's admirable to honor his memory and tastes. if he previously tried to get you to change or expand your clothing horizons, then i'd think through why you didn't at that point in time and if the change of heart is coming from a place of grief or a place of personal exploration
to clarify, i fully support taking risks or trying something new, but i also think the 'something new' should ideally be grounded in your own desires and fit within your own lifestyle (e.g. you're probably not going to wear vestiments to your job)
but i think this particular shoe isn't something that you can just slot into your rotation of current outfits and be fine (as sal said)
Other than groceries and helping with his funeral expenses. This would be the only purchase of any kind I have made since then. I didn't even get the baby blue and cream shoes, though I am 100% sure he would have loved for me to wear them. We both loved baby blue.
From childhood, he was different - quiet, fiercely independent, yet a gentle dreamer with a heart too pure for the harshness of this world. Even as a child he often volunteered to take the blame for many of my numerous acts of mischief, which he saw as looking out for his big brother and for me - it was a welcome escape from a well deserved punishment. I was thinking the least I could do is wear something he kept wanting me to try out... Anything even remotely close to what I wear that I could slot in would be appreciated. My apologies for harping on this thank you both for taking your time and being patient.
From childhood, he was different - quiet, fiercely independent, yet a gentle dreamer with a heart too pure for the harshness of this world. Even as a child he often volunteered to take the blame for many of my numerous acts of mischief, which he saw as looking out for his big brother and for me - it was a welcome escape from a well deserved punishment. I was thinking the least I could do is wear something he kept wanting me to try out... Anything even remotely close to what I wear that I could slot in would be appreciated. My apologies for harping on this thank you both for taking your time and being patient.
i think it may be interesting to try a slightly different color story, like a burgundy boot (i'm linking doc martens 1460s here but you can consider chelsea boots instead) https://www.drmartens.com/us/en/vegan-1460-lace-up-boots-cherry-red/p/23756600
Dr. Martens
Vegan 1460 Lace Up Boots in Cherry Red | Dr. Martens
Shop Vegan 1460 Lace Up Boots in Cherry Red at Dr. Martens. Free delivery on orders over $50
alternatively, a different type of shoe might be a way to expand your horizons in terms of shape or dimension rather than color. a kiltie loafer has a lower profile than a boot but more dimension due to the tassel and frame - i've linked black bass weejuns but you can consider other brands as well https://www.ghbass.com/products/baz1w010c01\
G.H.BASS
MENS LAYTON LUG WEEJUNS LOAFER
Upper Material: Leather Apron/Moc Toe Slip On Unlined Lightweight EVA Outsole Weight: 368 grams Heel Height: 1.10 inches Sole Thickness: 1/2" Imported Handsewn in El Salvador How To Care: Spot clean with soft, damp cloth. Style Number: BAZ1W010
I do have a Chelsea boot that looks a bit like this - burgundy adjacent. Haven't won in a while. Haven't won any black shoes in 25 years, was willing to make an exception for this camper matte black and cream one, as t looked like something my brother would have liked. The striking contrasts - same as with the blue and cream.
on a broader level (and i'll leave it at this), i think the things your brother did in the past to help you was because he wanted to do so, and i think the way to honor his legacy is to live your life, authentically, to the best of your ability. his memory and his legacy will stays with you, regardless of what you wear or what you do.
Thanks @Salvatore @zeometer
a visual token, like a blue and white pin or scarf or other object may be something to look into
I guess I'll just get the blue ones and wear them at home, to see my mom on his anniversary or when visiting his grave - and just use them specifically for that as a memento.
Thanks to the both of you for your time, I really appreciate it. Good night. @zeometer @Salvatore 🇳🇴 🇩🇰